"Oh Jesus..." - Jim Gaffigan Standup (Beyond the Pale)

  Үзсэн тоо 377,737


10 сарын өмнө

Thanks for checking out my standup from my special Beyond the Pale! Click subscribe and turn on notifications for daily uploads
Quality Time:
Marathons - bit.ly/JGMarathons
Horses - bit.ly/JGHorses
Appendix Removal - bit.ly/JGAppendix
Museums -bit.ly/JGMuseum
Lying - bit.ly/JGLying
Dog Birthdays - bit.ly/JGDogBirthday
Cold Weather - bit.ly/JGColdWeather
Noble Ape:
Japan Vs. China - bit.ly/JGJapan
My Wifes Brain Tumor - bit.ly/JGBrainTumor
Massages and Saunas - bit.ly/JGMassage
Standup for the Pope - bit.ly/JGPope
My Least Favorite Doctor - bit.ly/JGWorstDoctor
Morning Person - bit.ly/JGMorning
Fish are Gross - bit.ly/JGFishGross
Steak is Manly - bit.ly/JGSteak
Hiking - bit.ly/JGHiking
Idiot Abroad - bit.ly/JGIdiotAbroad
Vitamins - bit.ly/JGVitamins
Whales - bit.ly/JGWhales
Fitness Goals - bit.ly/JGFitnessGoals
Home Birth - bit.ly/JGHomebirth
McDonald's - bit.ly/JGMcDonalds
King Baby:
Jesus and the Apostles - bit.ly/JGJesus
Camping - bit.ly/JGCamping
Bacon - bit.ly/JGBacon
Fried Chicken - bit.ly/JGBacoin

Beyond the Pale:
Hot Pockets - bit.ly/JGHotPocket
I'm Korean - bit.ly/JGKorean
I love doing nothing - bit.ly/JGDoingNothing
Going Out To Dinner - bit.ly/JGOutToDinner
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Jim Gaffigan is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer and producer. He presently has 5 stand up specials on Netflix and 2 on Amazon Prime Video. He wrote 2 New York Times Best Sellers DAD IS FAT and FOOD: A Love Story He co-created and starred in a tv series based on his life called The Jim Gaffigan Show. He has appeared in numerous TV shows and films in both comedic and dramatic roles.

George B. Wolffsohn
George B. Wolffsohn Өдрийн өмнө
Sorry, a Catholic mass is maybe 20 minutes. Come to my Episcopal Church mass it's 1 1/2 hours.
David Atkinson
David Atkinson 2 өдрийн өмнө
tony florez
tony florez 9 өдрийн өмнө
😂😂😂😂😂😂 Jim you re the best!
Patrick Devlin
Patrick Devlin 14 өдрийн өмнө
Seen this so many times ... COULDN'T love you more!
Scott Thomas
Scott Thomas 20 өдрийн өмнө
Very hilarious
Mom 4 Moms
Mom 4 Moms Сарын өмнө
Was is jim that said “we don’t know what he sounded like. HOW YALL DOING IN A SOUTHERN VOICE???
Laura Rose
Laura Rose Сарын өмнө
Just brilliant work. Thank you!!
Vegan Fitness Goddess TV
Vegan Fitness Goddess TV Сарын өмнө
😂😂❤️ rapidly becoming my favorite
Talha Nafie
Talha Nafie 2 сарын өмнө
Yep, this guy is going to hell 😀😀😀
Louis Buzzi
Louis Buzzi 2 сарын өмнө
Good stuff Man, thanks.
Goodest Cat
Goodest Cat 2 сарын өмнө
Aaron Freed
Aaron Freed 3 сарын өмнө
He hasn’t been to Yom Kippur or a simcha torah service.
Bonnie Nygren
Bonnie Nygren 3 сарын өмнө
I Like most of your material Jim but I Don’t appreciate the mocking of Jesus. And the Devil is real! The Bible tells us all about it. I hope you can find a church where your Faith can be a real part of your life and not just meaningless recitation. Thanks!
Lou-Ann Daprato
Lou-Ann Daprato 3 сарын өмнө
So very funny
Tim Wodzynski
Tim Wodzynski 3 сарын өмнө
I'm trying to check out the hot ladies (camera pans to a sexy lady) 🤣🤣🤣
TheOneLostkin 3 сарын өмнө
I don't want to start any blasphemous rumors But I think that God has a sick sense of humor And when I die, I expect to find her laughing
Gimi Armany
Gimi Armany 3 сарын өмнө
God bless ya Mr.Gaffigan🤣😂🤣🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾❤❤..best comedian in the universe👍🏽😂🤣almost laughed myself into the ER but was worth it🤣😂🤣❤❤
Sheila Bressler
Sheila Bressler 3 сарын өмнө
Standing ., kneeling and sitting
LOVE, Lyzza
LOVE, Lyzza 4 сарын өмнө
"Longest exp of your life..time, it seems like their dragging church out on purpose" and the singing of Amen is most hilarious hahaha
Paul D. Douglas
Paul D. Douglas 4 сарын өмнө
As a comedian i am jealous of Jim but itt's a provvesional jealousy.
fun_paparazzi 5 сарын өмнө
“Hop to it, Hey-zeus!” Hysterical!
sugaball1 5 сарын өмнө
This Special “placed him in my top 5 fav” comedians of Alltime
Stella Luna
Stella Luna 5 сарын өмнө
This is so funny, because it is true.
Twigy Weed
Twigy Weed 6 сарын өмнө
Thank you, we all need something to chuckle about during our plague. Love all your little videos.
Daddy-0 Long Legs
Daddy-0 Long Legs 7 сарын өмнө
A nun wakes up in the morning, gets dressed and goes out to start the day with Mass. As she's walking by, another nun says to her, "Oh, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed today." The nun says, "I don't know what you mean. I'm fine." [Repeat as often as necessary (2 more minimum] Finally, after another Sister says she got up on the wrong side of the bed, the Nun loses her temper and yells in frustration, "Why does everyone keep saying that?" The Sister says, "Because you're wearing the Monsignor's shoes."
Lost Boy
Lost Boy 8 сарын өмнө
Beyond the Pale is a masterpiece. It’s my favorite comedy special period.
BRONCO4LIFE 8 сарын өмнө
Excellent!!! you're awesome!!
Red Vine
Red Vine 8 сарын өмнө
2:45 - I see what you did there editing staff
Terry Jones
Terry Jones 8 сарын өмнө
Too bad he couldnt keep his political views to himself. Also making fun of Jesus shows no class. You just lost a fan But of corse , you have gained favor with the uninformed rain dead zombies out there.
Tom Willard
Tom Willard 8 сарын өмнө
Ive got a really good recipe for jim its called bacon wrapped in bacon....
Tom Willard
Tom Willard 8 сарын өмнө
Jim is up there with the great comedians. And i dont think he even said a cuss word. Really amazing old school comedy. Shout out to rodny ad well.....
J RM 8 сарын өмнө
Funniest 8 minutes I’ve ever heard
oohwee oohwee
oohwee oohwee 8 сарын өмнө
I see we have another sienfeld.
JIGA BACHI 8 сарын өмнө
Man, it never gets old . . . 👌🤣
Herne Webber
Herne Webber 8 сарын өмнө
God, please save us from the humourless twats, who believe they know everything about you, including your opinion about humour and religions. Pride is their Deadly Sin. How full of oneself does one have to be, to instruct others on what any Deity thinks about anything? So many trolls, so little time. And they wonder why we don't want to go to their church, and sit with them. 🙄
John Browne
John Browne 8 сарын өмнө
Make a joke about Islam. I dare you.
Aleta 8 сарын өмнө
Funny !!!
Scott Andrew
Scott Andrew 8 сарын өмнө
Funniest guy ever lol 😂
Martin Hodge
Martin Hodge 8 сарын өмнө
Jim does Sam Kinison's material very well!
T.C.W Report
T.C.W Report 8 сарын өмнө
I don’t mean to be a stickler, but Jesus wasn’t a carpenter, his father was. Jesus was an apprentice until the...well...you know, the Son of God thing. I’m not religious, but I remember at least three things from religion class.
Tom Servo
Tom Servo 7 сарын өмнө
@Daddy-0 Long Legs better than going to hear the preacher's daughter's boyfriend on guitar. Speaking in tongues. Seeing who's wife will win this week's holly roller competition. Will it be Betty or Bobbie-Joe?
Daddy-0 Long Legs
Daddy-0 Long Legs 7 сарын өмнө
Sit. Stand. Kneel.
Tom Servo
Tom Servo 8 сарын өмнө
also Catholic mass is what 50mins once a week? That's nothing compared to going to church multiple times a week, hours long session each
Karl Juwde
Karl Juwde 8 сарын өмнө
Jmis Wfie si Tnras
dbossmx 8 сарын өмнө
He barely scratched the surface. Imagine he could fill an hour talking about Noah's Ark. LOL
Calsurf Lance
Calsurf Lance 9 сарын өмнө
I was offended on so many levels that I dropped my hot pocket!😱
Leona Scherer
Leona Scherer 9 сарын өмнө
You are the funniest man I have ever listened to. You give me so much joy and laughter. It takes my mind off how terribly screwed up this country has become. Thank you!
67tomcat 9 сарын өмнө
"Shiite Catholic" is hysterical!
JoeEspo17 9 сарын өмнө
Weather Brief
Weather Brief 9 сарын өмнө
I had a horrible day at work today. I really needed this.
floresaza253 9 сарын өмнө
He's like Homer Simpson come to life
One United Nation 1
One United Nation 1 9 сарын өмнө
Christ the son of Mary was no more than an apostle; many were the apostles that passed away before him. His mother was a woman of truth. They had both to eat their (daily) food. See how Allah doth make His signs clear to them; yet see in what ways they are deluded away from the truth! English Say: "Will ye worship, besides Allah, something which hath no power either to harm or benefit you? But Allah,- He it is that heareth and knoweth all things." Say: "O people of the Book! exceed not in your religion the bounds (of what is proper), trespassing beyond the truth, nor follow the vain desires of people who went wrong in times gone by,- who misled many, and strayed (themselves) from the even way.
Grace 9 сарын өмнө
Jim, God loves you so much more than you could ever imagine. Jesus paid the ultimate price for you. When you simply accept that, it will no more be about being good or bad at a religion. It will be about a relationship with your Father.
Margo Christensen
Margo Christensen 9 сарын өмнө
Jim is my favorite comedian. Oh, and sarah millican too.
Jo Things
Jo Things 9 сарын өмнө
Let's hear some Mohammed and Allah jokes. /Crickets.
somosgenel 9 сарын өмнө
The day I see Jim in a commercial for HOT POCKETS, will be the day I will know withOUT a DOUBT that the end of the world is near... I will go and buy the biggest box of HOT POCKETS and EAT THEM ALL UP by myself.. I mean who cares, right???.. The end of the world..
JoNatHan K
JoNatHan K 9 сарын өмнө
He Died at 120.
JoNatHan K
JoNatHan K 9 сарын өмнө
I don't think it was a Apple.
Bernard Tapie
Bernard Tapie 9 сарын өмнө
Joseph the father of Jésus was a carpenter not sure about Jésus.
Stevie B
Stevie B 9 сарын өмнө
OMG, I literally just snot myself rt out the gate. Holy good gravy, he's friggin' funny. WE LOVE YA, JIM!!! 😁😁💖
Roo Hamm
Roo Hamm 9 сарын өмнө
Masterclass! You have made Sunday Morning 🌞an event again. Your segment is the "night-cap" to our weekend! We await your Mark Twain acceptance speech VERY SOON!! God Bless you guys ♥️😊
pop5678eye 9 сарын өмнө
What do they call a Christian who has actually read and critically thought about the Bible? An atheist.
Michael Mattison
Michael Mattison 9 сарын өмнө
Heavens in a gated community? What kinda neighborhood is it in? 😂😂😂😂😂
P S 9 сарын өмнө
I want to see him doing a show with Zack Galifianakis
wolftitan 9 сарын өмнө
This was very funny. Knowing that I've started to question everything lately, the dominions haven't seemed to stop falling.
Dean Fox
Dean Fox 9 сарын өмнө
I love you Jim you bastard!
Nikki 9 сарын өмнө
“ we had to go to hell to get a contractor “ 😂😂😂
Pastor Gene Williams
Pastor Gene Williams 9 сарын өмнө
"Ye must be born again" Prayers
Karl Schneider
Karl Schneider 9 сарын өмнө
Richard Dawkins distilled the attributes of the god of the bible succinctly: "It is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it, a petty, unjust, unforgiving control freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic capriciously malevolent bully." That is no joke, any scholar of the Old Testament will immediately recognize these characteristics in the first three chapters. It's a peculiar insanity of our species that some of us think it's a good idea to even acknowledge, much less worship such a monster. Those who are inclined to believe in absurdities such as imaginary gods can easily be persuaded to commit atrocities...a pretty accurate description of many contemporary American "christians".
HousemouseII 8 сарын өмнө
Good one, dude! You got it
Lee Klein
Lee Klein 9 сарын өмнө
Here's the atrocity; Your unbelief. The vicious vitriol you have penned describes only one ...Satan. You played right into his hand.
Lee Klein
Lee Klein 9 сарын өмнө
Read and learn about who, not "it" you are speaking of. He's waiting. 1000 years are but a day to Him. Quite patient.
Lee Klein
Lee Klein 9 сарын өмнө
You will meet the aforementioned God one day, and you can tell Him this verbatim to His face. Unless of course the very Person you persecute shamelessly here on His earth, which happens to be His footstool, looks at you with Love in His eyes of fire. Read Revelation. Challenge yourself to something constructive. He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. God is none of what you write. He is Love. The antithesis of your wrong and blasphemous post. He resists the proud and exalts the humble, and is forgiving you, of all people . While wiping your spittle off of His Beautiful, Glorious face. I cannot condemn you, rebuke though I will. His sinless Life was laid down for mine. Not my obligation to defend Him. It is an absolute privilege to do so.
Karl Schneider
Karl Schneider 9 сарын өмнө
Jesus will be coming soon! I know because I saw him just minutes ago in my telescope...he's out by Saturn and he is sweating, quivering and breathing real fast. Couldn't tell who was blowing him but it sure looked like Anal...er, Oral Roberts or maybe Jerry Foulball.
diogenes 9 сарын өмнө
Too bad he spelled ark wrong.
diogenes 9 сарын өмнө
@Karl Schneider Go ahead. Search difference between arc and ark.
Karl Schneider
Karl Schneider 9 сарын өмнө
arc is the proper spelling. There never was an 'ark'.
randy saldana
randy saldana 9 сарын өмнө
I don’t think that’s funny at all how this person is making fun of it
Karl Schneider
Karl Schneider 9 сарын өмнө
Theism was born when the first scammer bumped into the first gullible idiot.
Cliff's Random Silliness
Cliff's Random Silliness 9 сарын өмнө
Am I the only one that lies in wait for. ”Hot Pocket” reference? Lol!!
Margarita Alvarez
Margarita Alvarez 9 сарын өмнө
I wait for those references, too!
Cliff's Random Silliness
Cliff's Random Silliness 9 сарын өмнө
Luv ya Jim! Thanks for the laughs! You are the best!!
Gio 9 сарын өмнө
"I am the Messiah...I know, but today your are a carpenter,so, hop to Hay Sus ...(Jesus)..ok..so see you in hell. Jim..as I repeated your joke....😁
Terence Jay
Terence Jay 9 сарын өмнө
A 17-year old Catholic boy went to church and confessed he'd been 'messing around' with one of the local girls. But, the Priest couldn't get him to say her name. The Priest said, 'I understand. I'll give some names and you just nod if I'm correct.' The boy agreed. The Priest said, 'I bet it's that terrible slut Mary Mallory!' The boy shook his head. 'In that case, it has to be that wicked strumpet Jean O'Reilly!' The boy shook his head. 'Ah, I know. It's that lewd and lecherous Margaret Hannery!' The boy shook his head. The Priest shrugged and absolved him of his misdeed. The boy left the church and met his friends. 'How did you get on?' The boy replied, 'It was OK, plus, we've got three dead certs for the weekend!'
Charles B Duke
Charles B Duke 9 сарын өмнө
That is a buddy christ from the movie Dogma by Kevin Smith, in your thumbnail .
geohaber 9 сарын өмнө
And “ark” is spelled wrong.
Autismmama 9 сарын өмнө
On his Catholic wife, "She's like a shiite Catholic..." On Catholic Mass, "it's the longest experince of your life...it makes you look forward to going to the DMV." On himself at Mass, "Let's rap it up..I've got some sinning to do!" On Moses, "Moses led the Isralites out of Egypt..they wandered the desert for 40 years...I don't know about you, but after a year I would've been, 'this Moses doesn't know where the hell he's going."
Brazilian Atlantis
Brazilian Atlantis 9 сарын өмнө
Anjanette Daugherty
Anjanette Daugherty 9 сарын өмнө
"Hop to it 'Hay-sus'". OMG, I almost fell out of my chair. From a PK who spent her childhood in sunday school and church, this was hilarious. These were all questions I had when I heard these bible stories.
Michael Wilner
Michael Wilner 9 сарын өмнө
Can we get a Gaffigan and Chappelle improv special?
Elizabeth Valenzuela
Elizabeth Valenzuela 9 сарын өмнө
This is so not funny. Well we all have an “exit interview “, you need to seriously repent. You have made fun of My Lord. Not at all ok with me or with Him.
Christopher Hoyt
Christopher Hoyt 9 сарын өмнө
NOWHERE in the Bible does it say that it was an apple! 🙄
Panpiper Pete
Panpiper Pete 9 сарын өмнө
Moses didn't part the red Sea....... God did
robert putt
robert putt 9 сарын өмнө
Ok ok I subscribed! Calm down!
RAndrew Ohge
RAndrew Ohge 9 сарын өмнө
Funny As Hell/Heaven/Nirvana/Whatever. Funny If You Have A Rudimentary Understanding Of English Or A Better Translator Than Google. #RicFromBelmond
Christine Reardon
Christine Reardon 9 сарын өмнө
Apparently Orange Julius does still exist.
andrew boyle
andrew boyle 9 сарын өмнө
Why doesn't he make jokes about other religions?
Wall Stretcher Official
Wall Stretcher Official 9 сарын өмнө
Jim, be-careful with Jesus bad carpenter jokes. Kids In The Hall (Dave Foley) did a Jesus was a bad carpenter skit in the early 90s.
Jim Moriarty
Jim Moriarty 9 сарын өмнө
It’s about the journey not the destination
Terry C
Terry C 9 сарын өмнө
These are true.
John piang_4211965
John piang_4211965 9 сарын өмнө
David R.
David R. 9 сарын өмнө
after watching hundreds of stand up comedy shows, I'm convinced now that successful stand up comedians have well-above average intelligence! They should conduct a study about it. I'm sure I'm right about that.
Terry cobb
Terry cobb 9 сарын өмнө
Jesus is waiting with the door opened to Hell Jim. He will have the last laugh. But you knew that and were willing to sell your soul anyway for a small amount of fame. I wouldn't look up to this guy. He loves death.
mike tomlin
mike tomlin 9 сарын өмнө
Made it to 2 minutes. Is this what they call frat boy humour. No wit, intelligence, etc.
Beloved Resa
Beloved Resa 9 сарын өмнө
A Simple Salvation Prayer Lord, I admit that I have done things that are wrong. I believe that you died to take away all my of my sins. Please forgive me. I receive your forgiveness now and declare that I want to live for you for the rest of my life. Come and fill my life with your Holy Spirit. I now depend completely on you. Amen.
Davey Jones
Davey Jones 9 сарын өмнө
Speaking of Jesus being a carpenter....uh....why did Jesus quit carpentry? The wood and nails were giving him severe nightmares!
goodshorts 9 сарын өмнө
John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. Acts 4:12 Salvation exists in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.” Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the [h]gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Isaiah 55 6: Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near: 7: Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. 8: For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. 9: For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Ashley Rios Rizo
Ashley Rios Rizo 9 сарын өмнө
Lmao 😂
Micah Stewart
Micah Stewart 9 сарын өмнө
👏😂 Funny stuff. I find it hilarious some still humans believe Jesus wasn’t just a plagiarized story based from the Egyptians theisms and several other dictatorship based superstitions.
Petals n Pearls
Petals n Pearls 9 сарын өмнө
Make The Mass Latin Again. NO mass is not revenant.
parry otter
parry otter 9 сарын өмнө
Why do Christians need to announce their religion before they share their actual comment? Genuinely confused.
Tomatosauce with Pasta
Tomatosauce with Pasta 9 сарын өмнө
because the witch hunters are after you.
Joey Jay
Joey Jay 9 сарын өмнө
friarpark: Why?? Because There SO MANY Protestant Faiths An Each Has Their Value System...!!
Zack 9 сарын өмнө
How jokes are even more funny if you’re catholic
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