Most Hilarious Sea Creature Stand Up Jokes | Jim Gaffigan

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jimgaffigan

6 сарын өмнө

LOBSTAHHHH! LOBSTAHHHHHHH! All the sea creatures I have eaten over my career, here are my jokes about them!
PALE TOURIST is NOW streaming on Amazon.
:00 - Sea Horse
:26 - Manatee
1:56 - Lobster Tank
2:19 - LOBSTAH!
4:42 - Crabs
6:03 - Tanks In Windows
6:25 - Whales
11:45 - Clams & Oysters
12:55 - Anchovies, Squid & Octopus
13:40 - Paella
BEST of / FUNNIEST COMPILATION
Animals bit.ly/AnimalsCompilation
Fast Food bit.ly/FastFoodCompilation
Jesus bit.ly/JesusComp
Clothing bit.ly/JGClothingCompilation
Donuts bit.ly/JGDonuts
Stores bit.ly/JGStores
Catholic bit.ly/JGCatholic
Drinking mndown.info/fast/video/sJ6yY4aQyZCLf4U
Disney mndown.info/fast/video/3GLYl3eFuY5uhok
Japan mndown.info/fast/video/sXy4fot_rqKRhoE
Fish mndown.info/fast/video/l6PUf3WguKOxiIk
HEALTHY & HAPPY Gardening
INTRO bit.ly/HappyandHealthy1
CORN bit.ly/HappyandHealthyCorn
THE PALE TOURIST
Asian American (Full Set) bit.ly/JGAsianAmerican
Florida Man (Full Set) bit.ly/JGFloridaMan
Ontario vs Quebec bit.ly/JGOntario
Superstitions bit.ly/JGSuperstition
Rodeo bit.ly/JGRodeo
Drake Story bit.ly/JGDrake
QUALITY TIME
Appendix bit.ly/JGAppendix
Museums bit.ly/JGMuseum
Lying bit.ly/JGLying
Dog Birthdays bit.ly/JGDogBirthday
Cold Weather bit.ly/JGColdWeather
NOBLE APE
Pope bit.ly/JGPope
My Least Favorite Doctor bit.ly/JGWorstDoctor
UK vs US bit.ly/JGUSAvCanada
CINCO
Morning Person bit.ly/JGMorning
Steak is Manly bit.ly/JGSteak
Hiking bit.ly/JGHiking
Idiot Abroad bit.ly/JGIdiotAbroad
Easier to be a Guy bit.ly/JGBeaGuy
Big Family bit.ly/JGBigFamily
OBSESSED
Weddings bit.ly/JGWeddingsyay
Victoria's Secret bit.ly/JGSecret
Seafood bit.ly/JGSeafood
Bath vs Shower bit.ly/JGBathvShower
Can't Stop Eating bit.ly/JGstopeating
MR. UNIVERSE
Vitamins bit.ly/JGVitamins
Whales bit.ly/JGWhales
Fitness Goals bit.ly/JGFitnessGoals
Home Birth bit.ly/JGHomebirth
Big Family bit.ly/3a6HW0L
Disney bit.ly/JGDisney
KING BABY
Camping bit.ly/JGCamping
Bacon bit.ly/JGBacon
Waffle House bit.ly/JGWaffleHouse
BEYOND THE PALE
Hot Pockets bit.ly/JGHotPocket
I'm Korean bit.ly/JGKorean
Doing Nothing bit.ly/JGDoingNothing
Out To Dinner bit.ly/JGOutToDinner
Cake bit.ly/JGCakes
Vegetarian bit.ly/JGVegetarian
SUPER OLD
Manatee bit.ly/JGManatee
Glasses bit.ly/JGGLasses
MERCH Proceeds donated to ThelmagineSociety.org tinyurl.com/y5fwmpb2
LETS GET COOKIN' World’s Favorite Quarantine Cooking Show
Toast bit.ly/JGToast
Burger bit.ly/JGBurger
Pork bit.ly/JGPork
Hotdog & Eggs bit.ly/JGHotDogs
Pizza bit.ly/JGPizzaLGC
Pasta bit.ly/JGPasta
Hot Dog Fest bit.ly/JGHotDogFest
Meatball Parm bit.ly/JGMeatball
Peas & Corn bit.ly/JGPeasandCorn
Mikey Takes Over bit.ly/JGMikey
Oatmeal Soup bit.ly/JGOatmeal
Garbage Plate bit.ly/JGGarbagePlates
Chicken Fillet bit.ly/JGChickenFilet
KC BBQ bit.ly/JGKansasCBBQ
Bacon Wrapped Steaks bit.ly/JGBaconWrapped
THE MIKE & PAT SHOW: (next Pewdiepie or Roblox addicts challenge)
Daddy Dog bit.ly/JGDaddyDog
Hot Pocket bit.ly/JGMPHotPocket
Spaghettios bit.ly/JGSPaghettios
Liverwurst bit.ly/JGLiverwust
Twinkies bit.ly/JGTwinkies
Fluff bit.ly/JGFluff
Vegemite bit.ly/JGVegimite
Garden Veggies mndown.info/fast/video/nYKpaG1nx5ePjJs
My Kids React my 1st Stand Up TV Spot mndown.info/fast/video/rI-oZHyWsph_q58
My Kids React my 1st 1/2 hr Special mndown.info/fast/video/p6fNp66EzItygXA
DINNER WITH THE GAFFIGANS nightly 6pm E. Watch past episodes click JOIN & become MEMBER. Fee (99 cents) donated to TheImagineSociety.org.
JIM EATS THE WORLD (mukbang asmr local food)
St.Louis Pizza bit.ly/JimEatsTheWorld
KC BBQ bit.ly/JGKCBBQ
Garbage Plate bit.ly/JGGarbagePlate
Polish Boy bit.ly/JGPolishboy
Spain bit.ly/JGSpainJETW
Colombia bit.ly/JGColombia
Paella bit.ly/JGPaella
PALE FORCE w/ Conan - mndown.info/fast/video/mn_FqaKespiHcGw
CORONAVIRUS LIFE (Try not to laugh+ CBS SUNDAY)
Welcome to Quarantine mndown.info/fast/video/sKCbd3mcxJqKno0
My Kids Ask Covid-19 mndown.info/fast/video/nnrKdZyL04mlh4U
Pandemic CBS Sunday Morning Mega Compilation mndown.info/fast/video/tY6samlkwI-Tg2g
Jim Gaffigan is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer and producer. He presently has 5 stand up specials on Netflix and 3 on Amazon Prime Video. He wrote 2 New York Times Best Sellers DAD IS FAT and FOOD: A Love Story He co-created and starred in a tv series based on his life called The Jim Gaffigan Show. He has appeared in numerous TV shows and films in both comedic and dramatic roles.
TEXT JIM 646-980-6600

Сэтгэгдлүүд
Colleen
Colleen 15 өдрийн өмнө
Jim Gaffigan is always a delight
T Moon
T Moon 16 өдрийн өмнө
19:00
Peggy Sadowski
Peggy Sadowski 18 өдрийн өмнө
Gaffigan makes me laugh and smile the whole time I’m listening to his routines.He’s great!
Rosie Bird
Rosie Bird Сарын өмнө
As someone who is equally grossed out by all seafood, thank you Sir
Randomz Jackal Enterprises
Randomz Jackal Enterprises Сарын өмнө
They call it sperm wale because they thought this white substance was.....sperm...(turns out it was fat or something like that) and they used it for candles and such.
AUBURN LTL
AUBURN LTL 2 сарын өмнө
8:22 You mean the Japanese?
penelopepurr
penelopepurr 2 сарын өмнө
1. The blowhole joke... f-ing nearly pissed myself 2. "sperm" in sperm whale comes from spermicetti that was harvested from the forehead of the whale. It was used for oil for various uses.
Alexander Villa
Alexander Villa 2 сарын өмнө
I could listen to your paella jokes all day!
Lane Mimnaugh
Lane Mimnaugh 2 сарын өмнө
In my opinion if you can sing and carry a tuna, then you're just being shellfish. ✌🏼
Just Nope
Just Nope Сарын өмнө
😊
Justin Grant
Justin Grant 3 сарын өмнө
The blow hole joke killed me 🤣🤣
Curb Appeal
Curb Appeal 4 сарын өмнө
Legend
NicheNetwork
NicheNetwork 4 сарын өмнө
Ricki Lake deep cuts!
Collin Zaffke
Collin Zaffke 4 сарын өмнө
Those whale sounds get me every time 🤣
Matthew Shewchuk
Matthew Shewchuk 4 сарын өмнө
That Whale joke was amazing honestly
AwayFromSirens
AwayFromSirens 4 сарын өмнө
Male seahorses are indeed male (even though they give birth) because they produce sperm. The females produce eggs and implant them in the males
Michelle Post
Michelle Post 4 сарын өмнө
So funny!
Sandra Riley
Sandra Riley 4 сарын өмнө
The baby version of the dinner crab 🤣
Ben Brophy
Ben Brophy 5 сарын өмнө
Heard these before but are still just as funny every time I hear him. Favorite comedian!
Andrew Rollason
Andrew Rollason 5 сарын өмнө
Jim Gaffigan stole his manatee jokes from that dude on Dr Katz. What was he called? Oh yeah - Jim Gaffigan. mndown.info/fast/video/2YLBnqaClaupra8
StoneE4
StoneE4 6 сарын өмнө
Jim's whale impression sounds quite similar to Buffalo Bill from _The Silence of the Lambs._ 😁
meej33
meej33 6 сарын өмнө
Please believe me that the bit about paella is uncannily accurate and 100% spot on. You can never eat paella at the right place, it is always the wrong place or the wrong paella. I'm sorry but that is THE LAW.
Laurie O
Laurie O 6 сарын өмнө
He never fails to make me laugh which i need to do more often.
Rhonda Roberds
Rhonda Roberds 6 сарын өмнө
I would just LOVE for him to read me a childrens story.... sound effects and all :D
jimgaffigan
jimgaffigan Сарын өмнө
Thanks ❤️
SteakN Fries
SteakN Fries 6 сарын өмнө
🤣🤣😂
Fenysnake
Fenysnake 6 сарын өмнө
The guy who named the sperm whale was the same one who named a planet Uranus, i believe..
stranraerwal
stranraerwal 6 сарын өмнө
whatever he chooses to talk about...it's funny!
CrazexSteve
CrazexSteve 6 сарын өмнө
“I try not to eat things that also make jewelry” 🤣😂🤣
*ᒪᗩᗪY ᐯOᒪᗪEᗰOᖇT*
*ᒪᗩᗪY ᐯOᒪᗪEᗰOᖇT* 6 сарын өмнө
The "blub-brrrrrr" one always got me. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 That is indeed what my big fat butt sounds like.
Catherine Dabasinskas
Catherine Dabasinskas 6 сарын өмнө
Seriously how can anyone eat bugs and boogers???? I love all of these jokes, best of the best.
jimgaffigan
jimgaffigan Сарын өмнө
Thanks ❤️
Jean Daquila
Jean Daquila 6 сарын өмнө
With ear buds in so I don’t wake the hubs, trying to whisper laugh lol but it’s futile lol!! Jim, you’re my favorite!!
jimgaffigan
jimgaffigan Сарын өмнө
Thanks so much lovely fan ❤️
Matt Long
Matt Long 6 сарын өмнө
Jim in this one when you say you want your wife getting crabs to be a surprise (the word "surprise" is really where you almost nailed it) you come very close to doing a version of Sean Connery and with a little tweaking I think you could pull it off convincingly.
Marie Smith
Marie Smith 6 сарын өмнө
I like Gaffigan because he really has a wide range of topics that he finds humorous, and most of all doesn't resort to foul language, which proves his talent.
Kitty Kat
Kitty Kat 6 сарын өмнө
he makes seafood sound disgusting but I love everything he mentioned XD
jimgaffigan
jimgaffigan Сарын өмнө
Thanks
catharine orellana
catharine orellana 4 сарын өмнө
Actually seafood IS disgusting, so I agree with Jim on that one!!!
David Garcia
David Garcia 6 сарын өмнө
The whale bit priceless,you need to get your on tv show.
Rodger Aarons
Rodger Aarons 6 сарын өмнө
Why is he on the set of hee haw?
AnnaPxx
AnnaPxx 6 сарын өмнө
I could watch this video for hours on end... all exceptional throughout but the routine on whales is pure comedy gold. Apart from the brilliance and originality of the jokes, his expressions, timing and whale sounds are just PERFECT 🤣🤣
Ian Crouch
Ian Crouch 6 сарын өмнө
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣❤✌
Cece's CubeTube !
Cece's CubeTube ! 6 сарын өмнө
💓
Chris Sullivan
Chris Sullivan 6 сарын өмнө
Not Jewish enough
Beeble Brox
Beeble Brox 6 сарын өмнө
Finally someone besides me calls lobster and shrimp what THEY ARE: SEA INSECTS! FOR GODS SAKE THEY'RE FEEDING IS BUGS! (runs from room screaming)
Michael O
Michael O 6 сарын өмнө
Embrace the bugs! In fifty to a hundred years we all will have to.
Michelle Shorey
Michelle Shorey 6 сарын өмнө
The whales crack me up every time. Thanks Jim.
-Omega Zero-
-Omega Zero- 6 сарын өмнө
Jim one of the things about your stuff that I like is that you don’t scream into the microphone. No seriously
Marie Smith
Marie Smith 6 сарын өмнө
aOmega Zero, ...and that he doesn't pace back and forth...how I hate it when comedians do that!
cyoungledesma
cyoungledesma 6 сарын өмнө
Bug meat! Oh my gosh I never knew this!! Lawbstuh! A giant sea scorpion 🦂. Aaaahhhhh run!
Matt Jamison
Matt Jamison 8 өдрийн өмнө
Eurypterid.
Peter S
Peter S 6 сарын өмнө
In the past Gaffigan would have arrived on a Viking ship and ransacked your village. That pent up anger is now directed towards lobstahs.
Fenrir54 12
Fenrir54 12 3 сарын өмнө
The only comedian that can say “because I’m white” and it’s still hilarious
Debi Spilker
Debi Spilker 6 сарын өмнө
Love your seafood jokes!
Rebecca M
Rebecca M 6 сарын өмнө
The whale jokes are my favorite! 🐧 🌊 🐡 🐙 🐚 🐬 🐳 🐋 🐟 🐠 (I went a little overboard with the emojis.)
jimgaffigan
jimgaffigan Сарын өмнө
Thanks ❤️
AnnaPxx
AnnaPxx 6 сарын өмнө
They are fab! 🤣
Faye King
Faye King 6 сарын өмнө
First thing tourists to Boston, want to know is where they can get scrod (Past tense, plue perfect). That's a favorite joke of Harvard Enlish teachers.
Shar Crum
Shar Crum 25 өдрийн өмнө
Sorry, but that absolutely NO sense!
sideshowtink
sideshowtink 6 сарын өмнө
The paella bit made me laugh so hard!
Joe Hernandez jdez1210
Joe Hernandez jdez1210 6 сарын өмнө
I love Jim's warp mind.lol
eMBo twentyfour
eMBo twentyfour 6 сарын өмнө
Jim at his best. I'm dying here!
Becky Wszalek
Becky Wszalek 6 сарын өмнө
I hadn't seen the whale bit before, lol!!!!! Can't stop laughing!
jimgaffigan
jimgaffigan Сарын өмнө
Thank you so much lovely fan ❤️
Sharon Haynes
Sharon Haynes 6 сарын өмнө
you shouldn't be naming animals
Joseph York
Joseph York 6 сарын өмнө
Living in an apartment years ago when an Asian family above us were having crab for dinner. Carpenter's feeding frenzy. Forgot they had neighbors below. Funny in hindsight.
L Lawliet
L Lawliet 6 сарын өмнө
Jim Gaffigan is the only comedian who has or will ever have 16 minutes of sea creature jokes.
Fenrir54 12
Fenrir54 12 3 сарын өмнө
@Captain Davy Jones but when you have 16 minutes about every topic lol
Captain Davy Jones
Captain Davy Jones 4 сарын өмнө
It’s not that hard of a feat to achieve lmao
Rebecca Cerney
Rebecca Cerney 6 сарын өмнө
Jim, Share again please how we vote for people’s choice comedian.. but while searching for where to vote, I came across this funny compilation of news bloopers. Just wanted to share with fellow laugh enthusiasts 😄 mndown.info/fast/video/s4i3nIyfuKuAips
Mlamar
Mlamar 6 сарын өмнө
Yep! Only fish is acceptable sea creature
dammbleth2
dammbleth2 6 сарын өмнө
Whale bashing is sooo 1997. I expected better.
tigger jones
tigger jones 6 сарын өмнө
Lets see pizza jokes
linshanhsiang
linshanhsiang 6 сарын өмнө
I get the feeling that Jim does not like seafood!
AnnaPxx
AnnaPxx 6 сарын өмнө
What makes you think that 🤣
linshanhsiang
linshanhsiang 6 сарын өмнө
"Well, I ordered it....it never came".. Why is that so damned funny???
J Luttr
J Luttr 6 сарын өмнө
Just saw you in the movie Troop Zero. You were great and should do some material on the actors (kids+) interaction and set experience. Thanks for giving me my best lung clearing laughs each day during this hard 2020.
Crystal Lady
Crystal Lady 6 сарын өмнө
I’m annoyed by people that hate seafood. But love Jim! Lol
jimgaffigan
jimgaffigan Сарын өмнө
@Mary Stephens you are really a great fan of mine ❤️
Mary Stephens
Mary Stephens 6 сарын өмнө
@Andrew zzstu Kolozsvary literally, maybe you are not educated to the fact that humans eat way too much animal. It’s not healthy and it’s contributing to climate change. Charles Darwin’s great grandson is a scientist. He has said that if we cut back to one serving of animal to three times a week, we can reverse climate change. Literally, I have the right to express myself whether or not you like what I say
Mary Stephens
Mary Stephens 6 сарын өмнө
@Andrew zzstu Kolozsvary literally, no one asked you to criticize me
Andrew zzstu Kolozsvary
Andrew zzstu Kolozsvary 6 сарын өмнө
@Mary Stephens literally nobody asked.
youeweu
youeweu 6 сарын өмнө
@Mary Stephens What about insect pests, parasites and vermin?
T Caves
T Caves 6 сарын өмнө
He is so funny I watch his shows over and over. Good clean comedy .
NorthernBorn Girl
NorthernBorn Girl 6 сарын өмнө
I grew up at the Jersey Shore, eating Seafood like a Champ! Now, I'm completely grossed out by it. Friends of mine who are Commercial Fishermen will tell you that the best place to find crabs is where the sewage runoffs are, or a dead body. Blahhh... nope. They are bugs..
Renee Schwider
Renee Schwider 2 сарын өмнө
And lobster killers make me angry, boiling a creature alive is torturous.. 😰🦞
NorthernBorn Girl
NorthernBorn Girl 6 сарын өмнө
@Wayne Urquhart They did. I don't know if they still do. I know that they still run rain water drains into the ocean. They used to take garbage and dump it in the ocean. Gross.
Wayne Urquhart
Wayne Urquhart 6 сарын өмнө
Do you run sewage straight into the sea? ( I don't mean you personally)
Mel Herron
Mel Herron 6 сарын өмнө
This is Brilliant Proof!
Francesca S
Francesca S 6 сарын өмнө
Funny bits! Thanks for my daily dose.
Brian Lake
Brian Lake 6 сарын өмнө
The whale impression always kills me
AnnaPxx
AnnaPxx 6 сарын өмнө
Every single time - it's so good that even Jim cracks up 🤣
T V
T V 6 сарын өмнө
I was thinking "at least it's not horse jokes", while he started the seahorse joke. Well played, Jim.
Renee Schwider
Renee Schwider 3 сарын өмнө
@Dj Waffenschmidt I've seen him twice plus in person @ the Grey Snail 🐌
Renee Schwider
Renee Schwider 6 сарын өмнө
Gotta love his horse jokes though
Dj Waffenschmidt
Dj Waffenschmidt 6 сарын өмнө
You are a true fan
reliquancy
reliquancy 6 сарын өмнө
I bet manatees taste good.Like a cow that just floats around all day, probably tender as all get out.
Zach Carder
Zach Carder 6 сарын өмнө
I bet Bill Gates could answer this.
M
M 6 сарын өмнө
The whale voice is spot on 🤣
AnnaPxx
AnnaPxx 6 сарын өмнө
Absolutely! 🤣
Drew The Unspoken
Drew The Unspoken 6 сарын өмнө
Young Gaffigan looks like one of those random scientists in the background of a movie who usually die in the first act.
herp diversity
herp diversity 6 сарын өмнө
This is so true.
trolltothebank
trolltothebank 6 сарын өмнө
EXACTLY haha
Sue Brown
Sue Brown 6 сарын өмнө
“Harvey the Lobstah “Fan Club! 🦞
Kobbetop
Kobbetop 6 сарын өмнө
Amazing to watch Jim Gaffigan turn into an elderly Jack Nicholson at the end.
Deb C
Deb C 6 сарын өмнө
Love your comedy...keep it funny, shhh 🤫about politics. Happy none in here, Thanks!
Alain Savard
Alain Savard 6 сарын өмнө
Do whales sneeze?
Pam Goldberg
Pam Goldberg 6 сарын өмнө
Omg, hysterical .....You truly are the funniest comic I have ever heard!!!
Denzy Canty
Denzy Canty 6 сарын өмнө
Jim never disappoints!!
Deb C
Deb C 6 сарын өмнө
linshanhsiang when he talks politics he isn’t funny, well that’s my point. I like 😆
linshanhsiang
linshanhsiang 6 сарын өмнө
@Deb C Well, to be fair when he talks politics he's not TRYING to be funny.
youeweu
youeweu 6 сарын өмнө
@Deb C Politicians talking politics are funny enough.
Deb C
Deb C 6 сарын өмнө
I Declare ...he’s hilarious except when he talks politics
Lila Lalla
Lila Lalla 6 сарын өмнө
God Bless your Face !!
bfkennedy
bfkennedy 6 сарын өмнө
Will there be a manatee? 🐳 🐋
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