Funniest Hygiene Stand-up Jokes

Funniest Hygiene Stand-up Jokes | Jim Gaffigan

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6 сарын өмнө

Here are the funniest Hygiene jokes from all my past standups! Click subscribe if you enjoy!
PALE TOURIST is NOW streaming on Amazon.
:00 - Deodorant
1:30 - Other Peoples House
1:52 - Bath
3:27 - Showers
3:49 - Shampoo & Conditioner
5:03 - Body Wash
6:30 - Snake Oils
7:13 - Self Cleaning Animals
8:52 - Public Restrooms
11:54 - Hotels
13:41 - Shower Cap
14:05 - Hair
14:39 - Make-Up
14:57 - Eyebrows
15:23 - Japanese Cleanliness
16:22 - Napkins in Asia
BEST of / FUNNIEST COMPILATION
Clothing bit.ly/JGClothingCompilation
Donuts bit.ly/JGDonuts
Stores bit.ly/JGStores
Catholic bit.ly/JGCatholic
Drinking mndown.info/fast/video/sJ6yY4aQyZCLf4U
Disney mndown.info/fast/video/3GLYl3eFuY5uhok
Japan mndown.info/fast/video/sXy4fot_rqKRhoE
Fish mndown.info/fast/video/l6PUf3WguKOxiIk
HEALTHY & HAPPY Gardening
INTRO bit.ly/HappyandHealthy1
CORN bit.ly/HappyandHealthyCorn
THE PALE TOURIST
Superstitions bit.ly/JGSuperstition
Canadian Map bit.ly/JGCanadaMap
Tapas bit.ly/JGTapas
Moose bit.ly/JGMoose
Tourists bit.ly/JGTourist
Halifax Donair bit.ly/JGDonair
Rodeo bit.ly/JGRodeo
Drake Story bit.ly/JGDrake
QUALITY TIME
Marathons bit.ly/JGMarathons
Horses bit.ly/JGHorses
Appendix bit.ly/JGAppendix
Museums bit.ly/JGMuseum
Lying bit.ly/JGLying
Dog Birthdays bit.ly/JGDogBirthday
Cold Weather bit.ly/JGColdWeather
NOBLE APE
Pope bit.ly/JGPope
My Least Favorite Doctor bit.ly/JGWorstDoctor
UK vs US bit.ly/JGUSAvCanada
CINCO
Idiot Abroad bit.ly/JGIdiotAbroad
Easier to be a Guy bit.ly/JGBeaGuy
Big Family bit.ly/JGBigFamily
OBSESSED
Weddings bit.ly/JGWeddingsyay
Victoria's Secret bit.ly/JGSecret
Seafood bit.ly/JGSeafood
Bath vs Shower bit.ly/JGBathvShower
Can't Stop Eating bit.ly/JGstopeating
MR. UNIVERSE
Fitness Goals bit.ly/JGFitnessGoals
Home Birth bit.ly/JGHomebirth
Big Family bit.ly/3a6HW0L
Disney bit.ly/JGDisney
KING BABY
Camping bit.ly/JGCamping
Bacon bit.ly/JGBacon
Waffle House bit.ly/JGWaffleHouse
BEYOND THE PALE
Hot Pockets bit.ly/JGHotPocket
I'm Korean bit.ly/JGKorean
Doing Nothing bit.ly/JGDoingNothing
Out To Dinner bit.ly/JGOutToDinner
Cake bit.ly/JGCakes
Vegetarian bit.ly/JGVegetarian
SUPER OLD
Manatee bit.ly/JGManatee
Glasses bit.ly/JGGLasses
MERCH Proceeds donated to ThelmagineSociety.org tinyurl.com/y5fwmpb2
LETS GET COOKIN' World’s Favorite Quarantine Cooking Show
Toast bit.ly/JGToast
Burger bit.ly/JGBurger
Pork bit.ly/JGPork
Hotdog & Eggs bit.ly/JGHotDogs
Pizza bit.ly/JGPizzaLGC
Pasta bit.ly/JGPasta
Hot Dog Fest bit.ly/JGHotDogFest
Meatball Parm bit.ly/JGMeatball
Peas & Corn bit.ly/JGPeasandCorn
Mikey Takes Over bit.ly/JGMikey
Oatmeal Soup bit.ly/JGOatmeal
Garbage Plate bit.ly/JGGarbagePlates
Chicken Fillet bit.ly/JGChickenFilet
KC BBQ bit.ly/JGKansasCBBQ
Bacon Wrapped Steaks bit.ly/JGBaconWrapped
THE MIKE & PAT SHOW: (next Pewdiepie or Roblox addicts challenge)
Daddy Dog bit.ly/JGDaddyDog
Hot Pocket bit.ly/JGMPHotPocket
Spaghettios bit.ly/JGSPaghettios
Liverwurst bit.ly/JGLiverwust
Twinkies bit.ly/JGTwinkies
Fluff bit.ly/JGFluff
Vegemite bit.ly/JGVegimite
Garden Veggies mndown.info/fast/video/nYKpaG1nx5ePjJs
My Kids React my 1st Stand Up TV Spot mndown.info/fast/video/rI-oZHyWsph_q58
My Kids React my 1st 1/2 hr Special mndown.info/fast/video/p6fNp66EzItygXA
DINNER WITH THE GAFFIGANS nightly 6pm E. Watch past episodes click JOIN & become MEMBER. Fee (99 cents) donated to TheImagineSociety.org.
JIM EATS THE WORLD (mukbang asmr local food)
St.Louis Pizza bit.ly/JimEatsTheWorld
KC BBQ bit.ly/JGKCBBQ
Garbage Plate bit.ly/JGGarbagePlate
Polish Boy bit.ly/JGPolishboy
Spain bit.ly/JGSpainJETW
Colombia bit.ly/JGColombia
Paella bit.ly/JGPaella
PALE FORCE w/ Conan - mndown.info/fast/video/mn_FqaKespiHcGw
CORONAVIRUS LIFE (Try not to laugh+ CBS SUNDAY)
Welcome to Quarantine mndown.info/fast/video/sKCbd3mcxJqKno0
My Kids Ask Covid-19 mndown.info/fast/video/nnrKdZyL04mlh4U
Pandemic CBS Sunday Morning Mega Compilation mndown.info/fast/video/tY6samlkwI-Tg2g
Jim Gaffigan is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer and producer. He presently has 5 stand up specials on Netflix and 3 on Amazon Prime Video. He wrote 2 New York Times Best Sellers DAD IS FAT and FOOD: A Love Story He co-created and starred in a tv series based on his life called The Jim Gaffigan Show. He has appeared in numerous TV shows and films in both comedic and dramatic roles.
TEXT JIM 646-980-6600

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Sal ty 2 өдрийн өмнө

You're gettin' me through, bro.

Doran Amatto 3 өдрийн өмнө

How is it that he has more hair now than he did 20 years ago?

Susan Funes 4 өдрийн өмнө

Enjoy jokes even when hearing a second and third time. I use as my therapy, instead of pills or alcohol or a therapist. Comedians earn well and deserve every penny. Thank you Jim and everyone who helps him. Bless you all!

Gina C 6 өдрийн өмнө

Thank you for the happy distraction. You are a comedic genius. :))

Matt Jamison 9 өдрийн өмнө

9:56 This whole bit had me rolling. By the end I was in tears. "He's good guy. I'm moving in with him."🤣

G Vogt 13 өдрийн өмнө

Dinner with the Gaffigans on Saturday is great.

Gerald O'Hare 14 өдрийн өмнө

During this pandemic Jim’s videos saved our sanity. The Japanese word for foreigner is barbarian .

AJ Burton Сарын өмнө

I do get it that it's " just comedy" but I also really hate the half-truths being spread around which makes the majority of Americans, who are largely ignorant on these topics, feel all the more justified in their arrogant and often rude mocking of ideas or products and the people who stand by them. FYI - no, natural deodorants are not enough alone. U must also have a clean and balanced diet, wear breathable clothing, not dress too warmly/be able to un-layer and not nervous sweat ( in other words, may have to use anti-perspirant on some occasions). Too hard ? Too unrealistic ? Yes, tragically our parents and grandparents got us into this mess, where it's so dang entrenched in our society and so dang hard to live any other way ( and be acceptable ) that people would rather continue to risk cancer - even on their kid's behalf- than go without all the cancer causing, or endocrine system damaging or otherwise harmful substances which are in almost everything we apply or eat or drink nowadays - even water ! So, EXCUSE US for taking responsibility. Not all of us are leftists either, just y'all know, I'm a libertarian/conservative & many are. We know the "climate change" narrative as is common is full of holes & even plain B S . But this other stuff is AWFUL : toxic waste, pollution and top-soil loss and VASTLY less healthy and nutritious foods being produced now, compared to how those same foods used to b grown & raised ( b4 artificial fert. & factory style farming ). OG being very expensive ?? Guess what ? U don't have to have it cost so dang much. Know how to avoid that ?? Stop wanting the government to be God & Daddy and Dr. for you. Know your farmer & proccessor and support random quality-control testing, not SOOOOO much red tape. My bff is an OG dairy farmer ( I'm from a conventional dairy farm - btw conventional food is un-naturally cheap - u can only get it that cheap because of super un-healthy & un-wise scale & practices, like millions of hens in small cages eating GMO grains and never seeing the sun or breathing truly fresh air, much less other factors.. and workers paid didly squat & dairy farmers getting jerked around and also for decades getting paid didly squat. I know, I was there, times we're HARD ! But also OG costs less when more buy it & more consistently - esp. perishable items. Yes, u never know when a grower, middle-man or retailer is charging more " just cuz we can ", ir happens but again, they typically deserve it to make up for how much they lose elsewhere or did for so long. Anyways , buy local NON OG, but that is AT LEAST non-GMO ( it's NOT the same thing as hybridization ! ) and preferably OG or better practices, ideally not large monocrops and over-dependance on annuals or grains for animals not meant to eat to much of em ( herbivores & omnivores/chickens ) .. . Now, try all that amd stop getting cancer, hormone issues and possibly alzheimer's from toxic metals like aluminum in your deodorant, unnecessarily, just to try to take my $ to pay for your " health care " . I care & I do give to others sacrificially but do u really want to give your kid cancer ?? Read the book " The marvelous pigness of pigs" by Joel Salatin plz. ( it's NOT on pig raisin' ). Or any of his books, esp. " Everything I want to do is illegal" and " Pastured poultry profits" ( yes, is about chicken farming but even if you'll never, ever raise a chicken, read it ! It's got info everyone needs to know on the industry ).

Don F 20 өдрийн өмнө

Get a friend

Jennifer Sala-Austin Сарын өмнө

😂🤣😂 I take epsom salt baths THEN I shower🙃

Jeff Boyd Сарын өмнө

This guy always makes me laugh.

Lizanne Whitlow Сарын өмнө

You could pull out a shower cap from your pocket for this segment. And put it on. 🛀

Mary Williamson 2 сарын өмнө

Thanks for the compilations and daily posts, now your making my day daily

Alice 2 сарын өмнө

I have probably memorized by now each joke of yours and still laugh with the same joy when hearing them. Evergreen jokes. Jim Gaffigan, I thank God for creating you.

Margarete Raab 2 сарын өмнө

First restaurant in Pusan South Korea where I had lunch had toilet paper on the tables 🤣😬 but the food was good 😊. BEST four years of my life there teaching English. Great people 😄

P S 2 сарын өмнө

Shampoo is unnecessary. Use your bar soap to wash your hair.

Mango T 2 сарын өмнө

Tissues at my house also double as napkins when we’re too lazy to go real ones from the kitchen approximately 5 steps away. I always have a box where we sit, so... I actually tried to have napkins where we sit and watch TV, but it just made us look like the lazy bums we really are🤷‍♀️

Rich Vail 2 сарын өмнө

You’re like a walking joke factory. I’m speechless, mostly because I’m laughing but still speechless nonetheless. 😂😂😂

ShinK G 2 сарын өмнө

Mr. Gaffigan, I find it hilarious that I got a Door dash "breakfast in bed" commercial on your video... Lol

Martin 3 сарын өмнө

I don't know why he doesn't like Speedstick. I think it smells better than old spice or Gillette.

Covid Christmas 2020 3 сарын өмнө

"Gaffigan is cooking" Hear how I used that phrase in my song. "Santa Tize" mndown.info/face/3euIDPlP0JAwBe3jgq-tLQ

Barbara Moran 3 сарын өмнө

IN A RESTAURANT BATHROOM WAS THE SIGN “always wash hands after using toilet .Dirty hands spread disease “ Someone had scratched away some of the letters so sign said ‘Wash hands in toilet SPREAD DISEASE “ Fun sign for workplace .Always wash hands before using toilet .Dirty toilets are too much work.

Barbara Moran 3 сарын өмнө

BATHROOM ATTENDANT HAS TO CLEAN THE BATHROOM AFTER GUYS WHO MESSED IT UP AND DIDN’T WASH THEIR HANDS

Barbara Moran 3 сарын өмнө

Best bathroom graffiti “WASH YOUR HANDS “

Barbara Moran 3 сарын өмнө

Body wash .soap mixed with water .Paying soap prices for water .Far as i know people with sense will still buy SOAP .

Steve Couvillion Jr. 4 сарын өмнө

Who gives these thumbs down?

marsha woods 4 сарын өмнө

Yep he is definitely the funniest guy around I love the toilet paper on the table Naches kept me laughing for the rest of the day

Elvin Hoover 4 сарын өмнө

Bathtub is a hot tub thank you

Michael J. 4 сарын өмнө

I didn't think it was very funny.

Yvonne Phillips 4 сарын өмнө

I confess...I'm an idiot. Had oral surgery two days ago with stitches and swelling. Had to stop watching this because well laughing really hurts.

Alexsa Hernandez 4 сарын өмнө

I'm binge watching these jokes cause of very stressful times. I forgot to take my headache pills. Thank you for making laugh alone in my car while eating lunch.

June Carlson 2 сарын өмнө

This guy is irreplaceable, SOOO DARNED “CLEANLY” FUNNY. SOOO REFRESHING!!

Susan Fanning 4 сарын өмнө

We're moving and unpacking. These jokes have kept us going. Also, the comedy has kept us civil to each other and our attitudes in check. Thanks for your help!

Evilkitty64 4 сарын өмнө

I'm sure I've watched this video 7 or 8 times across the past few months and each time it's STILL fresh and funny 😁💙☮️

machinos7 4 сарын өмнө

Amazing this guy!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Angie Lazare 4 сарын өмнө

My new routine each morning is coffee and Jim! Starting the day with laughter... yes!

Vivian Surname 4 сарын өмнө

I dislike taking a bath. The most boring thing I've ever had to do. People make it seem glamorous.

PJ Smith 4 сарын өмнө

I got you some body wash

Luminya M 5 сарын өмнө

I just found your channel. I have never listened to your stand up before. Wow, I was missing something good. Your work is brilliant, thank you.

Peter Helander 5 сарын өмнө

Jim....anout Denial: Watch Food inc and then eat a hot dog ;)) NJOY....

MLMLW 5 сарын өмнө

My mom & dad passed away this year & while cleaning out mom's bathroom drawers & cabinets I found about 4 shower caps!! I was like, "Geez mom!" 😅 And speaking of deodorant, I've been wearing the same brand of deodorant for 45 years. It has always worked & smells good, but if I have to wear a substitute I do feel weird all day! It's like having a stranger under my armpit!! 🤣 Thanks for sharing your humor Jim. ❤

Sascha Rouillon 2 сарын өмнө

@MLMLW I feel like Jim would make something hilarious of the fact that they couldn’t live without one another...but it is strangely pleasing that they lived only as long as each other after such a long life! I love both yours and Nicole’s anecdotes of the purse contents...humans are wonderfully quirky!😁

MLMLW 2 сарын өмнө

@Nicole Barnett - I'm very sorry for your losses as well. It's so hard and still seems unreal. They were both 87 and lived good long lives so I'm very blessed to have had them so long and relatively healthy up until about a year ago. My mom had dozens of handbags in her closet and in every one of hers I found Kleenex, some with lipstick stains on them. That was it. My poor girls will find all kinds of crap in my handbags when I die and they have to go through mine. Lol.

Nicole Barnett 2 сарын өмнө

I'm sorry for your great losses. I lost my parents 2 yrs ago next month and your story made me think of my mom and her purses in her closet. Every single one had a contact case in it. Nothing else. Every one. Lol She was a blessing and I'm very lucky to have been her daughter. You take care with the deodorant! You're right too, I tried roll on and gel and I've got ptsd from what I felt like. I was unreliable those days 😆

David Altendorf 5 сарын өмнө

LOVE THE JIM!!!

Jessica Penick 5 сарын өмнө

My family literally started using body wash after seeing Jim discuss it, lol. Best comedy ever. Thanks, Jim

TheGoosemanrock Entertainment 5 сарын өмнө

Jim is the cleanliest comic. He never cursed

linshanhsiang 5 сарын өмнө

Has nobody but me noticed that both presidential candidates this year (2020) have mullets? At least, they have an extra inch and a half on the back of their necks. Someone should tell them ....it's not a good look.

linshanhsiang 5 сарын өмнө

"Crapping indoors"? He goes outside?

V 13 5 сарын өмнө

You're a blast! Thanks for the laughs!

Michael Souza 6 сарын өмнө

Thanks for posting your comedy Jim! Loved ya in super troopers btw!

GeminieCricket 6 сарын өмнө

No, shower then take the bath....true !

Calvin Bowen 6 сарын өмнө

Body Wash is from Japan, like all the good stuff.

Cody Smith 6 сарын өмнө

Hilarious

VICTOR DEZ 6 сарын өмнө

Too many ads

Garry Forbes 6 сарын өмнө

The roll of toilet paper at the table always caused me to (inwardly) chuckle.

ellen aparicio 6 сарын өмнө

I would love to see this act live! Jim is great

Bryan Petersen 6 сарын өмнө

WTF is all of this BS about Jon Giraffigan being the funniest clean comic? He has the filthiest mind I’ve ever seen on someone so translucently pale. I’ve been stuck in the hospital for two weeks now after crashing my pickup truck( 3/4 TON into a semi trailer that shot across my path. All of the gut splitting laughter that Jim brings on is definitely keeping my mind off of the pain, but my shattered bones are never going to set at this rate.

Albie The KIWI Cocker 6 сарын өмнө

I bath with my Dog! I shouldn’t have said that out loud buuut who cares.

Debby Johnson 6 сарын өмнө

love that line its not natural neither is crapping indoors

Rodger Aarons 6 сарын өмнө

So..... got an ad for dr. Sqaurch natural soap. Wtf. Mid way thru. Wow. Algorithms working

Michelle Macioszek 6 сарын өмнө

Hey Jim, there's a bar in Melbourne Florida, Debauchery. The mirror in the bathroom is a 2-way mirror. The women's and men's room are connected. I was checking my hair and saw the men at the urinals, I was freaking out! "Wait, if I'm seeing them.....

ellstacker adventures 6 сарын өмнө

Yooo

Janet White 6 сарын өмнө

I always thought the message of the dual bathtubs was "Take our pill and you will get a hard-on that can break through cast iron.

VertPlaysGames 6 сарын өмнө

Typo in the thumbnail

Ian Crouch 6 сарын өмнө

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣❤✌

Doris Edwards 6 сарын өмнө

Um, Reverse wash your hair with Conditioner > Shampoo. It increases the volume of your hair. ;)

Courtney Woodbury 6 сарын өмнө

Oh God, someone boiled a baby goat in it's mother milk in my hotel bathtub! Oh, wait, wrong commandments...

WMD 6 сарын өмнө

Your a hero bro please keep posting I'm a sub to you notification on

jjohnston94 6 сарын өмнө

Strictly speaking, there is a difference (chemistry-wise) between body wash and soap. The short version is that if you have hard water, soap leaves scum; body wash doesn't.

fun_paparazzi 4 сарын өмнө

I believe Demetri Martin had pontificated on the subject of soap scum: “First, I was using [soap] to clean, and now I have to clean it?!”

PantoponRose Goatoe 6 сарын өмнө

Ok I’m one of those weird bath people 🤣

Alanna Todd 16 цагийн өмнө

I like sitting in a pool of my own filth as well.

Mango T 2 сарын өмнө

Me too. And the absolute last thing on my mind when I escape my family for and hour or two is Cealis.

fun_paparazzi 4 сарын өмнө

@PantoponRose Goatoe: Baths are awesome, especially the onsen (hot spring). Hopefully, Jim has given them a chance, since the rule is to take a shower before soaking in one. Therefore, no need to “sit in a pool of your own filth”, as he put it

gisele ghezzi 4 сарын өмнө

Me too

sh 6 сарын өмнө

Same

Steven Edwards 6 сарын өмнө

Body wash should be 100% Clorox...if you don't wanna get caught. 🙄

Dana DN 6 сарын өмнө

Love THE JIM

Rachel Garber 6 сарын өмнө

I feel that way about AXE deodorant

mrmactknife 6 сарын өмнө

Did anyone else get a really weird ad about popping? Haha

legalize drunk driving 6 сарын өмнө

Jim makes self deprecating jokes about his weight in king baby but thats when he looked the skinniest

D33Lux 6 сарын өмнө

So many jokes are relatable and the voices he does are hilarious.

sydlee1980 2 сарын өмнө

Yay ya Tyra

sydlee1980 2 сарын өмнө

jeremy toutain 2 сарын өмнө

Really?! Please tell us more...

google inc 6 сарын өмнө

Irony of clothes and plates/dishes/forks, arent they reused like mattresses and robes

Tia Lanzetta 6 сарын өмнө

Uh oh, I was watching this while taking a bath!

Larry Southern 6 сарын өмнө

10:00 " THE SHINING " Jack Nicholson....

T Caves 6 сарын өмнө

Jim is hilariously funny 😆

patricia pantano 6 сарын өмнө

Jim’s character voices are the best!!!

inner peas 6 сарын өмнө

a shampoo commercial LOL 🤣

OneBuckMastering 6 сарын өмнө

Gets really boring after a couple of hours. You shouldn't keep the same character style when joking on different subjects. Don't underestimate the shock value of going a little crazy from time to time.

TraditionalFun 6 сарын өмнө

Fiverr Fan Remastered Metal Albums ...Yeah Jim you might be successful if you would just listen to this guy.

Mr V 6 сарын өмнө

Mr. Gaffigan, your jokes stink! Get it 🤓 love your stuff.

Caleb Travis 6 сарын өмнө

Nobody here's killed themselves in the bath 🤣

Patrick Wagz 6 сарын өмнө

Burn it, bury it in the backyard! Thanks, Jimmy!!

Luke Escamilla 6 сарын өмнө

I once went in a restroom in a Colorado state park while it was -6 and there was a pile of frozen urine and it was slik so I tried to stand further away to avoid slipping on the piss but then I kind of added to the pile.

Genevieve Capuano 6 сарын өмнө

Lol The shower cap is for like hair that's already been treated or done up all nice

Celia England 6 сарын өмнө

we don't watch Gaffigan videos since his De Niroesque, anti-Trump melt down!

Tony 6 сарын өмнө

And yet, you're here commenting.

Mrs ANG’ 6 сарын өмнө

Jim and Jeannie are really funny!

dave fieldhouse 6 сарын өмнө

Feckin brilliant jim!

Lori Madson 6 сарын өмнө

Just ordered a Let’s Get Cookin’, Pale Force, and 2 Mike and Pat shirts. I’m all set. Thanks Jim 👩‍🍳

James Whalen 6 сарын өмнө

How bad is the food here? 🤣

Up Audiovisuales 6 сарын өмнө

No me canso del humor de Jim puedo ver mil veces los chistes, pero para mi hay varios Jim, parece una persona diferente en cada especial, Keep on making People laught!!!

Randy S 6 сарын өмнө

I love your comedy but my mom lol she LOVES you!!! She is 85 now and it's great you make her smile and laugh...specially in the stressful times. Cheers to you sir! Stay safe

sideshowtink 6 сарын өмнө

SOOOO funny!

Natalie Dennings 6 сарын өмнө

Cute shoes

Ramdass Clarino 6 сарын өмнө

We are here (comments section) because of Toilet stall walls.

Scott Lasley 6 сарын өмнө

Haha! Yes, Speed Stick does smell like urinal cakes! Hahahaha 🤣

RMJR 6 сарын өмнө

Jim you are a pleasure to see. Thank you.

DJ Howell 6 сарын өмнө

LOL good content Jim

Evecon 6 сарын өмнө

Hey my whole fam is a huge fan we also have a huge damily like you! (i have 4 younger siblings) we took one of my brothers to see your first qurantine standup for his bday he love