Funniest Heaven and Hell Jokes | Jim Gaffigan Standup

  Үзсэн тоо 134,932

jimgaffigan

6 сарын өмнө

Here is a compilation of my funniest heaven nd hell jokes from all my standups! Hope you enjoy!
PALE TOURIST is NOW streaming on Amazon.
:00 - Sleeping Through Your Murder
:40 - The Devil
:54 - Moses
1:37 - Pearly Gates
2:05 - Escalator To heaven
2:21 - West Virginia
3:11 - Sin City
4:40 - St.Bonneventure in Heaven
5:34 - Devil Statue
BEST of / FUNNIEST COMPILATION
Animals bit.ly/AnimalsCompilation
Fast Food bit.ly/FastFoodCompilation
Jesus bit.ly/JesusComp
Clothing bit.ly/JGClothingCompilation
Donuts bit.ly/JGDonuts
Stores bit.ly/JGStores
Catholic bit.ly/JGCatholic
Drinking mndown.info/fast/video/sJ6yY4aQyZCLf4U
HEALTHY & HAPPY Gardening
INTRO bit.ly/HappyandHealthy1
CORN bit.ly/HappyandHealthyCorn
THE PALE TOURIST
Asian American (Full Set) bit.ly/JGAsianAmerican
Florida Man (Full Set) bit.ly/JGFloridaMan
Ontario vs Quebec bit.ly/JGOntario
Superstitions bit.ly/JGSuperstition
Canadian Map bit.ly/JGCanadaMap
Tapas bit.ly/JGTapas
Moose bit.ly/JGMoose
Tourists bit.ly/JGTourist
QUALITY TIME
Marathons bit.ly/JGMarathons
Horses bit.ly/JGHorses
Appendix bit.ly/JGAppendix
Museums bit.ly/JGMuseum
Lying bit.ly/JGLying
Dog Birthdays bit.ly/JGDogBirthday
Cold Weather bit.ly/JGColdWeather
NOBLE APE
My Wife's Brain Tumor bit.ly/JGBrainTumor
Massages bit.ly/JGMassage
Pope bit.ly/JGPope
My Least Favorite Doctor bit.ly/JGWorstDoctor
UK vs US bit.ly/JGUSAvCanada
CINCO
Morning Person bit.ly/JGMorning
Steak is Manly bit.ly/JGSteak
Easier to be a Guy bit.ly/JGBeaGuy
Big Family bit.ly/JGBigFamily
OBSESSED
Weddings bit.ly/JGWeddingsyay
Victoria's Secret bit.ly/JGSecret
Seafood bit.ly/JGSeafood
Bath vs Shower bit.ly/JGBathvShower
Can't Stop Eating bit.ly/JGstopeating
MR. UNIVERSE
Vitamins bit.ly/JGVitamins
Whales bit.ly/JGWhales
Fitness Goals bit.ly/JGFitnessGoals
Home Birth bit.ly/JGHomebirth
Big Family bit.ly/3a6HW0L
Disney bit.ly/JGDisney
KING BABY
Camping bit.ly/JGCamping
Bacon bit.ly/JGBacon
Waffle House bit.ly/JGWaffleHouse
BEYOND THE PALE
Hot Pockets bit.ly/JGHotPocket
I'm Korean bit.ly/JGKorean
Doing Nothing bit.ly/JGDoingNothing
Out To Dinner bit.ly/JGOutToDinner
Cake bit.ly/JGCakes
Vegetarian bit.ly/JGVegetarian
SUPER OLD
Manatee bit.ly/JGManatee
Glasses bit.ly/JGGLasses
MERCH Proceeds donated to ThelmagineSociety.org tinyurl.com/y5fwmpb2
LETS GET COOKIN' World’s Favorite Quarantine Cooking Show
Toast bit.ly/JGToast
Burger bit.ly/JGBurger
Pork bit.ly/JGPork
Hotdog & Eggs bit.ly/JGHotDogs
Pizza bit.ly/JGPizzaLGC
Pasta bit.ly/JGPasta
Hot Dog Fest bit.ly/JGHotDogFest
Meatball Parm bit.ly/JGMeatball
Peas & Corn bit.ly/JGPeasandCorn
Mikey Takes Over bit.ly/JGMikey
Oatmeal Soup bit.ly/JGOatmeal
Garbage Plate bit.ly/JGGarbagePlates
Chicken Fillet bit.ly/JGChickenFilet
KC BBQ bit.ly/JGKansasCBBQ
Bacon Wrapped Steaks bit.ly/JGBaconWrapped
THE MIKE & PAT SHOW: (next Pewdiepie or Roblox addicts challenge)
Daddy Dog bit.ly/JGDaddyDog
Hot Pocket bit.ly/JGMPHotPocket
Spaghettios bit.ly/JGSPaghettios
Liverwurst bit.ly/JGLiverwust
Twinkies bit.ly/JGTwinkies
Fluff bit.ly/JGFluff
Vegemite bit.ly/JGVegimite
Garden Veggies mndown.info/fast/video/nYKpaG1nx5ePjJs
My Kids React my 1st Stand Up TV Spot mndown.info/fast/video/rI-oZHyWsph_q58
My Kids React my 1st 1/2 hr Special mndown.info/fast/video/p6fNp66EzItygXA
DINNER WITH THE GAFFIGANS nightly 6pm E. Watch past episodes click JOIN & become MEMBER. Fee (99 cents) donated to TheImagineSociety.org.
JIM EATS THE WORLD (mukbang asmr local food)
St.Louis Pizza bit.ly/JimEatsTheWorld
KC BBQ bit.ly/JGKCBBQ
Garbage Plate bit.ly/JGGarbagePlate
Polish Boy bit.ly/JGPolishboy
Spain bit.ly/JGSpainJETW
Colombia bit.ly/JGColombia
Paella bit.ly/JGPaella
PALE FORCE w/ Conan - mndown.info/fast/video/mn_FqaKespiHcGw
CORONAVIRUS LIFE (Try not to laugh+ CBS SUNDAY)
Welcome to Quarantine mndown.info/fast/video/sKCbd3mcxJqKno0
My Kids Ask Covid-19 mndown.info/fast/video/nnrKdZyL04mlh4U
Pandemic CBS Sunday Morning Mega Compilation mndown.info/fast/video/tY6samlkwI-Tg2g
Jim Gaffigan is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer and producer. He presently has 5 stand up specials on Netflix and 3 on Amazon Prime Video. He wrote 2 New York Times Best Sellers DAD IS FAT and FOOD: A Love Story He co-created and starred in a tv series based on his life called The Jim Gaffigan Show. He has appeared in numerous TV shows and films in both comedic and dramatic roles.
TEXT JIM 646-980-6600

Сэтгэгдлүүд
Mom 4 Moms
Mom 4 Moms 18 өдрийн өмнө
Can anyone link me to the joke where he says “who knows what jesus sounds like? Maybe he’s southern HOW YALL DOING??
Luminya M
Luminya M Сарын өмнө
Omg I love Jim, he has helped me get through this wretched pandemic.
Maenad
Maenad 2 сарын өмнө
Patron saint of...bowel issues Can someone Catholic explain to me why this is a thing? 😂
Greg Hartwick
Greg Hartwick 2 сарын өмнө
If there’s no pie - it’s not heaven!
Muhammad Arshad
Muhammad Arshad 2 сарын өмнө
Jim I am hooked on to your channel. Like the way you present jokes by topic. You bring laughter to the sad and company to the lonely and therapy to the ill. Gather some jokes about comedians or stand up routines. Must be interesting to see.
missy coyote
missy coyote 3 сарын өмнө
Thanks Jim. Laughed till my belly hurt.
Robert Glass
Robert Glass 3 сарын өмнө
Hey Jim, I think you answered your own question, in regards to the pearly gates. Apparently, it's right next door to West Virginia.
Cutter Hammer
Cutter Hammer 4 сарын өмнө
Jim started this off by offering us comedy every day. As we approach Thanksgiving ,? Jim seems to be running out of material
rodney crosby
rodney crosby 5 сарын өмнө
THIS IS SAD HELL WANT BE NO PARTY EVER TURN OR BURN MARK 9-48 WHERE THEIR WORM DIETH NOT AND THE FIRE IS ,NOT, QUENCHED , www.fellowshiptractleague.org
Wolfsky9
Wolfsky9 6 сарын өмнө
Jim, you help me get through this mess we're in ! thank-you !! -------------------------------------WolfSky9, 74 y/o
ghogue61
ghogue61 6 сарын өмнө
He's going to Hell in two religions really got me then his Devil voice was hilarious.
Dead Man
Dead Man 6 сарын өмнө
... sorry, I don’t know what possessed me.
Elana Piranha
Elana Piranha 6 сарын өмнө
You can hear the sun. Oooo that ones smoking. I love smoked meat.
Tha Jackal
Tha Jackal 6 сарын өмнө
Wait for Heaven has "GATES & A WALL" to keep demons & souls that don't belong in Heaven out... Sounds like us needing a border wall. :)
Fred Miller
Fred Miller 6 сарын өмнө
Going up the escalator is the best image. But going down can be effective. Auntie Mame. When Trump went down the escalator I thought it was cute until Auntie Don started talking, but I really wanted to ask: Is it true that Canada has a hidden province?
Vlad Tepes
Vlad Tepes 6 сарын өмнө
the funniest is the facial expression beliervers make once they notice the light at the end has some telling smell of sulfur.
Glenn Cordova
Glenn Cordova 6 сарын өмнө
Jim Gaffigan prefers cold to hot isn't a surprise. Just look at him. He is basically a polar bear in human clothes. Lol. 🤣
Glenn Cordova
Glenn Cordova 6 сарын өмнө
The Devil isn't all bad. Devil's food cake. Mmmmm.
Jason Johnson
Jason Johnson 6 сарын өмнө
OOOHHHHH A NEW video every day not A NUDE video... Man I'm disappointed now... Unsubscribed.
Rich Vail
Rich Vail 6 сарын өмнө
Awesome stuff.
*ᒪᗩᗪY ᐯOᒪᗪEᗰOᖇT*
*ᒪᗩᗪY ᐯOᒪᗪEᗰOᖇT* 6 сарын өмнө
I just love his devil's voice, hahahahaha...🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Kim Jameson
Kim Jameson 6 сарын өмнө
I clicked the "thumbs up" button. The Devil made me do it.
AnnaPxx
AnnaPxx 6 сарын өмнө
His impression of the Devil's voice always gets me, it's pretty good and in such stark contrast with his friendly, good humoured and slightly goofy stage persona. Brilliant comedian
Rick Waters
Rick Waters 6 сарын өмнө
Yep it was 113° one day when I was in Vegas, usually anywhere between 98-108! I was out walking in it like ok.
Andres Peirano
Andres Peirano 6 сарын өмнө
IF you divide 2020 by 666 you get Joe 3-0-3-3-0! Illuminati runs the world and Trump went rogue!
Mike S
Mike S 6 сарын өмнө
Hey Jimmy..I guess this is your guy...lol mndown.info/fast/video/zpvMrIWvumODmJ8
Shea LaRoux
Shea LaRoux 6 сарын өмнө
You seem absolutely thrilled to be doing this
Namejs Liepiņš
Namejs Liepiņš 6 сарын өмнө
I like his devil voice
Jerilyn Holland
Jerilyn Holland 6 сарын өмнө
You're the only middle aged comedian , you go backwards in time watching his videos and see him lose his hair.
Marcus J
Marcus J 6 сарын өмнө
Jim Gaffigan is the best ❤️☺️👍🏻
Kassius Fine Art
Kassius Fine Art 6 сарын өмнө
Hilarious. Thank you!
Dawn Behatin
Dawn Behatin 6 сарын өмнө
Hysterically funny!! You ROCK!!
wayne Last
wayne Last 6 сарын өмнө
No you think someone. Is in the house going to kill you and you call out “ Who is that?”
Gabriel The man
Gabriel The man 6 сарын өмнө
Imma go spit on that statue.
fat Earther
fat Earther 6 сарын өмнө
Go to the Vatican and see Satan's throne. It awaits his coming. It is very breathtaking to behold .
Shakthi Dhasan
Shakthi Dhasan 6 сарын өмнө
Thank you Jimmy, u and ur family rock
ccreasman
ccreasman 6 сарын өмнө
“That way people aren’t talking to God doing number 2.” Hey buddy, I pray to God while sitting on the toilet...don’t take away my direct line.
Alain Savard
Alain Savard 6 сарын өмнө
Basically Hell: CNN, MSNBC and FOX Channels. Practically Heaven: The Jim Gaffigan channel.
Michael Brown
Michael Brown 6 сарын өмнө
Devil statue won’t be 666m above sea level for long with global warming and sea level rising.
Eric Scarburry
Eric Scarburry 6 сарын өмнө
Why you have more hair now
AJ Is Road Trippin
AJ Is Road Trippin 6 сарын өмнө
He was an advocate 😂🤣😂
Jose Dude
Jose Dude 6 сарын өмнө
Love you expressing the total nonsense of organized religion
MITOMANO
MITOMANO 6 сарын өмнө
I love Jim's devil voice.
Weather Brief
Weather Brief 6 сарын өмнө
St. Peter: Bonaventure, you're the Patron Saint of Bowel Issues. Bonaventure: Oh, CRAP!
Toni C
Toni C 6 сарын өмнө
F*ck the king! Long live the Hound!
Billy BuskirkII
Billy BuskirkII 6 сарын өмнө
107 a month ago! I prefer the heat over the cold. Working outside your whole life will change your mind! Rock on!!!We love ya Bro!!!
Metal Gaming Warrior
Metal Gaming Warrior 6 сарын өмнө
I honestly don't think there is a hell, considering spirits can't feel physical pain. Its probably all in our mind if we do 'go' there. But torment would indeed be a thing if we can't have pizza in the afterlife. Yeah, life without pizza is definitely hell.
Ken Powers
Ken Powers 6 сарын өмнө
When did Jim get a hair transplant tho?
Gen Office
Gen Office 6 сарын өмнө
@Ken Powers OMG! This one I heard in his low-pitched " Queens/Italian American gangster" voice (I seriously had to pause to wipe tears, of laugher, from my eyes).
Gen Office
Gen Office 6 сарын өмнө
@1ForAllandAllForAll ROTFLMAO!!! When I read your comment, I swear I heard it in Jimmy G's sarcastic whisper voice.
Ken Powers
Ken Powers 6 сарын өмнө
@1ForAllandAllForAll Compliments to his doc...he did a good job on him....very natural looking. That's why everyone is kinda surprised.
Scott Thomas
Scott Thomas 6 сарын өмнө
Very hilarious comedian
balderdashery G
balderdashery G 6 сарын өмнө
I had no idea that I would enjoy the comments almost as much as Jim's Standup.
Barbara Page
Barbara Page 6 сарын өмнө
thanks, I have you looping 24 hours per day
Jahof
Jahof 6 сарын өмнө
Very funny
Skylab14
Skylab14 6 сарын өмнө
Jim! You are so funny! You are one of my favorite comedians! .... So, you must be so happy that Trump has Covid, right? 😂😂
linshanhsiang
linshanhsiang 6 сарын өмнө
I doubt it. Jim is too nice to wish covid on anyone. On the other hand, doubt he's very concerned. Maybe I'm projecting lol,!
Tuomas Saarinen
Tuomas Saarinen 6 сарын өмнө
I have broken heart right now. And Jim is making me laugh. He is therapy.
Janis Bentzen
Janis Bentzen 7 өдрийн өмнө
I hope your life is better now. That your heart has had time to heal.
Theresa Stirling
Theresa Stirling 13 өдрийн өмнө
@Edith Dlp thank you so much
Edith Dlp
Edith Dlp 15 өдрийн өмнө
@Theresa Stirling I have a 20 year old son and I can't imagine if something happened to him. I wish you strength to overcome this.
Edith Dlp
Edith Dlp 15 өдрийн өмнө
@Jain Freeman Hope you feel much better. Wish you the very best. Actually. I am here to cope with anxiety.
Theresa Stirling
Theresa Stirling 20 өдрийн өмнө
@Tuomas Saarinen thinking of you and thanking you again
Todd Hendrix
Todd Hendrix 6 сарын өмнө
Funny how Jim equates 114F to Hell. Just wait a few years and Seatlle will be regularly 114F in Spring.
Beeble Brox
Beeble Brox 6 сарын өмнө
😂😂
Nancy Brown
Nancy Brown 6 сарын өмнө
I'd be hidden under the covers cuz everybody knows the boogieman can't get you if you're under the covers. Thanks I needed the laugh.
Kathleen Reardon
Kathleen Reardon 6 сарын өмнө
Thanks Jim.
Joseph York
Joseph York 6 сарын өмнө
Pearly Gates: If you don't like oysters you won't like heaven.
Tyson Jensen
Tyson Jensen 6 сарын өмнө
I would upvote but the count is 666.
Tyson Jensen
Tyson Jensen 6 сарын өмнө
@Damian Fan It's not 666 anymore. I don't see likes and upvotes as a separate thing on the version I'm using so... dunno which was 666 if they are in fact separate.
*ᒪᗩᗪY ᐯOᒪᗪEᗰOᖇT*
*ᒪᗩᗪY ᐯOᒪᗪEᗰOᖇT* 6 сарын өмнө
@Damian Fan Or thumbs up...same old thing, LOL...
Damian Fan
Damian Fan 6 сарын өмнө
Upvote? Or like?
GeminieCricket
GeminieCricket 6 сарын өмнө
Yes,gates are necessary for Heaven considering the ratio of good/bad people ! That is how we live now.
lipstickprincess1
lipstickprincess1 6 сарын өмнө
The obvious? This guy is funny as hell😂😂😂😂
toms dotter
toms dotter 6 сарын өмнө
How does he think of these things?!😂🤣
toms dotter
toms dotter 6 сарын өмнө
😂🤣 Thanks, Jim!
Wounded Ego
Wounded Ego 6 сарын өмнө
I thought his "Let's Get Cooking" standup was going to be about Hell.
Dean Moulton
Dean Moulton 6 сарын өмнө
Thank you so much Jim! Timing is everything.
Sue Brown
Sue Brown 6 сарын өмнө
Love the sound of the sun in Vegas...just like a blow torch...anyone for a game of Frisbee ?
linshanhsiang
linshanhsiang 6 сарын өмнө
You get acclimatized. Like the people in the North playing outside in shorts and tee shirts when it's 45 out.
Gracy Toy Schultz
Gracy Toy Schultz 6 сарын өмнө
GET INSIDE THE FRISBEE IS ON FIRE
Craig
Craig 6 сарын өмнө
Country roads, take me home
JD Carguy
JD Carguy 6 сарын өмнө
Good stuff.
Moe Jaime
Moe Jaime 6 сарын өмнө
Farted !
Shea Sarc
Shea Sarc 6 сарын өмнө
Devil’s Food Cake? Come on!
Ric B
Ric B 6 сарын өмнө
forgot to list the devil was responsible for mankind's numbers! The original plan was not millions ....it was 2 in the garden ....hence their exit and the sin began ..."population by fornicatings" so if your going to list the devils accomplishments or relativeness to history a statue is FINE.but remember to list he perpetuated MAN kind's plurality in great numbers,,, kind of important ..don't you think??
Digital Nomad
Digital Nomad 5 сарын өмнө
@linshanhsiang "I can only conclude that people tend to believe what they want to believe, however nonsensical." I believe that's what I said.
linshanhsiang
linshanhsiang 6 сарын өмнө
@Digital Nomad I agree. But your veiled insult says more about you than it does about me. Free will...that canard...I'm not wasting any more time on this. I can only conclude that people tend to believe what they want to believe, however nonsensical.
Digital Nomad
Digital Nomad 6 сарын өмнө
@linshanhsiang Free will is not realized unless disobedience is possible. One cannot chose the good unless there is a bad option. Those who don't understand books written for grownups shouldn't read them.
linshanhsiang
linshanhsiang 6 сарын өмнө
@Digital Nomad I didn't conflate anything. I was pointing out how ridiculous it is to take this book (Bible) literally. A parent who puts his kids in a room full of toys and forbade them to play with just one, then left the door open for his naughty sidekick to sneak in and tempt them? Psychotic! The things fundamentalists are willing to swallow never ceases to amaze me.
Digital Nomad
Digital Nomad 6 сарын өмнө
@linshanhsiang The Bible does not mention the details of an antedeluvian marriage ceremony, so I can't answer your question. My point was that you cannot attribute ANY antedeluvian reproduction to fornication. Your mistake, was, of course to conflate the "forbidden fruit" with sex.
Francisco Yescas
Francisco Yescas 6 сарын өмнө
Thank you for uploading every morning Jim. Really appreciate the videos.
Monica Santa Cruz
Monica Santa Cruz 6 сарын өмнө
Me too... thank you!
PeteandPat Luboff
PeteandPat Luboff 6 сарын өмнө
Heaven, I'm in heaven and the cares that hung around me through the week see to vanish when I hear Jim G!
licks n kicks
licks n kicks 6 сарын өмнө
I love this guy!
Jain Freeman
Jain Freeman 6 сарын өмнө
He's great, 💕☺️💙
Maenad
Maenad 6 сарын өмнө
It’s more so that I don’t care if he kills me as long as I get to sleep 🤷‍♀️
*ᒪᗩᗪY ᐯOᒪᗪEᗰOᖇT*
*ᒪᗩᗪY ᐯOᒪᗪEᗰOᖇT* 6 сарын өмнө
And here I am, can't even go to sleep if I think I heard a cockroach crawling around in my bedroom/bathroom... I have to find it and kill it first...and maybe an hour or two (or three days) later I can finally fall aslepp. 😅
linshanhsiang
linshanhsiang 6 сарын өмнө
No, it's more that it MIGHT not be. murderer, so...weighing sleep against being murdered....yeah I really want to sleep.
Drew The Unspoken
Drew The Unspoken 6 сарын өмнө
He also could have called it 2019 vs. 2020. Same thing.
R D
R D 6 сарын өмнө
@Mishta Moose Not to be adversarial, as I am truly glad that you are able to remain optimistic, but objectively 2020 has been pretty awful.
Mishta Moose
Mishta Moose 6 сарын өмнө
@Drew The Unspoken I can respect that
Drew The Unspoken
Drew The Unspoken 6 сарын өмнө
@Mishta Moose I suppose it's different for everyone. I'm sure there are many people who are having a great year, I'm just not one of them.
Mishta Moose
Mishta Moose 6 сарын өмнө
2019 was not heaven, and 2020 is not that bad.
bfkennedy
bfkennedy 6 сарын өмнө
Listening to Jim is a slice of heaven!
Bob Roman
Bob Roman 6 сарын өмнө
He's a little better than West Virginia
Clif harvey
Clif harvey 6 сарын өмнө
Or hell yeah!
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