Funniest Fruit Stand up Jokes | Jim Gaffigan

  Үзсэн тоо 79,966

jimgaffigan

6 сарын өмнө

Here is a compilation of my funniest Fruit jokes from all of my standup specials! Which one is your favorite?
PALE TOURIST is NOW streaming on Amazon.
:00 - Blueberry Picking
:43 - Not an Orange
1:03 - Fruit Cake
1:40 - Tempted by an Apple
1:58 - Recognizing an Apple
2:17 - Too Much Work
2:41 - Apple Picking
3:04 - Acting Excited
3:13 - Painting A Bowl of Fruit
3:52 - Orange For Dessert
4:20 - Explaining Tumors
BEST of / FUNNIEST COMPILATION
Animals bit.ly/AnimalsCompilation
Fast Food bit.ly/FastFoodCompilation
Jesus bit.ly/JesusComp
Clothing bit.ly/JGClothingCompilation
Donuts bit.ly/JGDonuts
Stores bit.ly/JGStores
Catholic bit.ly/JGCatholic
Drinking mndown.info/fast/video/sJ6yY4aQyZCLf4U
Disney mndown.info/fast/video/3GLYl3eFuY5uhok
Japan mndown.info/fast/video/sXy4fot_rqKRhoE
Fish mndown.info/fast/video/l6PUf3WguKOxiIk
Cheese mndown.info/fast/video/12zBgGdps6p_Z2w
Heaven & Hell mndown.info/fast/video/v5mboIaBlKpso5E
TV mndown.info/fast/video/3IazimiM06eqiKc
Desserts mndown.info/fast/video/tIaTioJto52TqK8
Holidays mndown.info/fast/video/1Kypg21wwK5msJ8
Birthdays mndown.info/fast/video/0a6qhGSPwGikhZ8
Korean mndown.info/fast/video/0a6qhGSPwGikhZ8
Nordic mndown.info/fast/video/1p_TeYqWq6iSb4k
Dogs mndown.info/fast/video/q3_MqJWO26CleYE
History mndown.info/fast/video/3XqwhmWkuGiEi4U
Outdoor mndown.info/fast/video/2KqSpZqhs6qJm3k
Chinese mndown.info/fast/video/2KqSpZqhs6qJm3k
Eating mndown.info/fast/video/2ImZpGuFjoSnsHA
Hyiegene mndown.info/fast/video/3ma0c62Ry3h9e6s
Reading mndown.info/fast/video/1KrZk5ub2mepa5E
Doctors mndown.info/fast/video/umePaIefwJ56kH0
Excercise mndown.info/fast/video/yHyniq6Amq1-hY0
HEALTHY & HAPPY Gardening
INTRO bit.ly/HappyandHealthy1
CORN bit.ly/HappyandHealthyCorn
THE PALE TOURIST
Asian American (Full Set) bit.ly/JGAsianAmerican
Florida Man (Full Set) bit.ly/JGFloridaMan
Ontario vs Quebec bit.ly/JGOntario
Rodeo bit.ly/JGRodeo
QUALITY TIME
Marathons bit.ly/JGMarathons
Horses bit.ly/JGHorses
Appendix bit.ly/JGAppendix
Lying bit.ly/JGLying
Dog Birthdays bit.ly/JGDogBirthday
Weather bit.ly/JGColdWeather
NOBLE APE
My Wife's Brain Tumor bit.ly/JGBrainTumor
Massages bit.ly/JGMassage
CINCO
Morning Person bit.ly/JGMorning
Steak is Manly bit.ly/JGSteak
Hiking bit.ly/JGHiking
Idiot Abroad bit.ly/JGIdiotAbroad
OBSESSED
Weddings bit.ly/JGWeddingsyay
Victoria's Secret bit.ly/JGSecret
Seafood bit.ly/JGSeafood
Bath vs Shower bit.ly/JGBathvShower
Can't Stop Eating bit.ly/JGstopeating
MR. UNIVERSE
Vitamins bit.ly/JGVitamins
Whales bit.ly/JGWhales
Fitness Goals bit.ly/JGFitnessGoals
KING BABY
Camping bit.ly/JGCamping
Bacon bit.ly/JGBacon
Waffle House bit.ly/JGWaffleHouse
BEYOND THE PALE
Hot Pockets bit.ly/JGHotPocket
I'm Korean bit.ly/JGKorean
Doing Nothing bit.ly/JGDoingNothing
Out To Dinner bit.ly/JGOutToDinner
Cake bit.ly/JGCakes
Vegetarian bit.ly/JGVegetarian
SUPER OLD
Manatee bit.ly/JGManatee
Glasses bit.ly/JGGLasses
MERCH Proceeds donated to ThelmagineSociety.org tinyurl.com/y5fwmpb2
LETS GET COOKIN' World’s Favorite Quarantine Cooking Show
Toast bit.ly/JGToast
Burger bit.ly/JGBurger
Pork bit.ly/JGPork
Hotdog & Eggs bit.ly/JGHotDogs
Pizza bit.ly/JGPizzaLGC
Pasta bit.ly/JGPasta
Hot Dog Fest bit.ly/JGHotDogFest
Meatball Parm bit.ly/JGMeatball
Peas & Corn bit.ly/JGPeasandCorn
Mikey Takes Over bit.ly/JGMikey
Oatmeal Soup bit.ly/JGOatmeal
Garbage Plate bit.ly/JGGarbagePlates
Chicken Fillet bit.ly/JGChickenFilet
KC BBQ bit.ly/JGKansasCBBQ
Bacon Wrapped Steaks bit.ly/JGBaconWrapped
THE MIKE & PAT SHOW: (next Pewdiepie or Roblox addicts challenge)
Daddy Dog bit.ly/JGDaddyDog
Hot Pocket bit.ly/JGMPHotPocket
Spaghettios bit.ly/JGSPaghettios
Liverwurst bit.ly/JGLiverwust
Twinkies bit.ly/JGTwinkies
Fluff bit.ly/JGFluff
Vegemite bit.ly/JGVegimite
Garden Veggies mndown.info/fast/video/nYKpaG1nx5ePjJs
My Kids React my 1st Stand Up TV Spot mndown.info/fast/video/rI-oZHyWsph_q58
My Kids React my 1st 1/2 hr Special mndown.info/fast/video/p6fNp66EzItygXA
DINNER WITH THE GAFFIGANS nightly 6pm E. Watch past episodes click JOIN & become MEMBER. Fee (99 cents) donated to TheImagineSociety.org.
JIM EATS THE WORLD (mukbang asmr local food)
St.Louis Pizza bit.ly/JimEatsTheWorld
KC BBQ bit.ly/JGKCBBQ
Garbage Plate bit.ly/JGGarbagePlate
Polish Boy bit.ly/JGPolishboy
Spain bit.ly/JGSpainJETW
Colombia bit.ly/JGColombia
Paella bit.ly/JGPaella
PALE FORCE w/ Conan - mndown.info/fast/video/mn_FqaKespiHcGw
CORONAVIRUS LIFE (Try not to laugh+ CBS SUNDAY)
Welcome to Quarantine mndown.info/fast/video/sKCbd3mcxJqKno0
My Kids Ask Covid-19 mndown.info/fast/video/nnrKdZyL04mlh4U
Pandemic CBS Sunday Morning Mega Compilation mndown.info/fast/video/tY6samlkwI-Tg2g

TEXT JIM 646-980-6600

Сэтгэгдлүүд
T Moon
T Moon 18 өдрийн өмнө
7:30
Abbiday Cornelius
Abbiday Cornelius 3 сарын өмнө
I can listen and watch Jim all day. He's my favourite comedian
jimgaffigan
jimgaffigan Сарын өмнө
Thanks 🤣
robert smith
robert smith 4 сарын өмнө
Boo berries
Patricia Hopey
Patricia Hopey 5 сарын өмнө
3cheers from Canada
jimgaffigan
jimgaffigan Сарын өмнө
Thanks
SteakN Fries
SteakN Fries 6 сарын өмнө
😂🤣🤣😅
Rhymescheme
Rhymescheme 6 сарын өмнө
"My wife won't give me any of her apple pie... so i got a case of blueberries - AYE" -HONEYDEW SLICE CLAY
Stor Bokki
Stor Bokki 6 сарын өмнө
I had a tumor removed and the doctor said it was the size of a small bird egg. small bird eggs come in a wide variety of sizes. After checking the metric dimensions given against items with a fixed size, I determined it was the same size as a ping-pong ball.
ghogue61
ghogue61 6 сарын өмнө
Still funny.
emmie BL
emmie BL 6 сарын өмнө
I can safely say there is no video of Jim’s that I wouldn’t love. Jim is keeping me sane in this craptastic year!
Maya McCray
Maya McCray 6 сарын өмнө
God bless him!
Kim simpson-rosenfield
Kim simpson-rosenfield 6 сарын өмнө
Thank you Jim for turning our frowns upside down 😁
jimgaffigan
jimgaffigan Сарын өмнө
Thank you so much ❤️
Klimt Kahlo
Klimt Kahlo 6 сарын өмнө
Jim: I kind of need one full hour a day of your jokes to survive this! Now I am just re-re-watching them!
Matt Kyle
Matt Kyle 6 сарын өмнө
Grapefruit juice has a substance that slows the body from breaking down alcohol so the effect of the alcohol is stronger than normal. Vodka and grapefruit juice gets you more drunk & longer than without the grapefruit juice.
Maenad
Maenad 6 сарын өмнө
*Jim Gaffigan’s diet as represented by the amount of time he spends joking about different food groups;* 40 minute: Fast Food compilation 22 minute: Meaty compilation 15 minute: Alcohol compilation 15 minute: Dessert compilation 13 minute: HotPocket compilation 10½ minute: Doughnut compilation 7½ minute: Cheese/Dairy compilation
Bobby Rogers
Bobby Rogers 6 сарын өмнө
Shame on Jim Trump 2020
Thea Shortman
Thea Shortman 6 сарын өмнө
You need to soak the fruit in alcohol then you make fruit cake
Dale Thomas
Dale Thomas 6 сарын өмнө
You are the man!
patricia pantano
patricia pantano 6 сарын өмнө
Hey, I like oranges.... lol
Moose Marchi
Moose Marchi 6 сарын өмнө
WE NEED MORE LETS GET COOKIN'
dangonpoop
dangonpoop 6 сарын өмнө
I want to comment on every video how much I enjoy and am thankful for your ability to make my day a little bit brighter but I'm not gay.
dangonpoop
dangonpoop 6 сарын өмнө
Just kidding. Not every video.
L Lawliet
L Lawliet 6 сарын өмнө
Am I the only person who likes fruitcake?
Steve Dyches
Steve Dyches 6 сарын өмнө
Homemade fruitcakes can be quite good. I have yet to find a storebought one that was worthy of praise.
Ian do larcus
Ian do larcus 6 сарын өмнө
Yes
Robert Schwartz
Robert Schwartz 6 сарын өмнө
How do I know that Jim's devices are only Android? (No apples).
FesterWerks
FesterWerks 6 сарын өмнө
love it!
Santa Baby Yoda YT
Santa Baby Yoda YT 6 сарын өмнө
I was on the live stream and I your daughter was super nice. Watch this to understand mndown.info/fast/video/l37bk5WxyXl9sIU check the description. Thx
linshanhsiang
linshanhsiang 6 сарын өмнө
If I find out who down voted this they're in trouble!
Drew The Unspoken
Drew The Unspoken 6 сарын өмнө
I'm pretty sure his Bacon and Cheese videos are both longer than this one.
Kenneth Boylan
Kenneth Boylan 6 сарын өмнө
"Fruit - At least it's not vegetables." Truer words have never been spoken.
Maenad
Maenad 6 сарын өмнө
linshanhsiang But you can fry fruits as well! Banana fritters, deep fried pickles & cinnamon fried apples for example. And remember; any fruit you can’t deep fry you can definitely turn into a pie! 🥧
linshanhsiang
linshanhsiang 6 сарын өмнө
I actually much prefer vegetables....because you can fry them in grease! (Or slather them in butter).
T Caves
T Caves 6 сарын өмнө
God he is so funny 🤣
Wyndia Highwind
Wyndia Highwind 6 сарын өмнө
I like picking apples. At the store.
Erik Garrett
Erik Garrett 6 сарын өмнө
Best comedian in the world!
GeminieCricket
GeminieCricket 6 сарын өмнө
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻♥️🍎🍒🥝🍌🍓🍇🍐🍊🍑♥️
jrpipik
jrpipik 6 сарын өмнө
Missed one: "The pig takes an apple -- basically garbage -- and turns it into bacon!"
jrpipik
jrpipik 6 сарын өмнө
@Anthony Pegram Forgot that one!
Anthony Pegram
Anthony Pegram 6 сарын өмнө
And when you get to the end of the buffet line and come across the tray of bacon... why did I get all this worthless fruit?
brewdogg77
brewdogg77 6 сарын өмнө
Thank you for the laughs. I needed to laugh today.
Moe Jaime
Moe Jaime 6 сарын өмнө
Farted ,and milk squirted out my nose !
Sue Brown
Sue Brown 6 сарын өмнө
Looking forward to Christmas for a slice of “Nasty Crap”...!
Obvious
Obvious 6 сарын өмнө
Gaffigan makes us laugh again! 😂🤣
Master Cody
Master Cody 6 сарын өмнө
Fruit...good...cake...great...fruit picking...nasty crap
Francesca S
Francesca S 6 сарын өмнө
Thanks for the upload
New Message
New Message 6 сарын өмнө
Could have been worse.. "The tumor is the size of a pear...." "Thank God!" "I didn't finish... a *pair* of grapefruit."
s hanks
s hanks 6 сарын өмнө
*grape. Lol
New Message
New Message 6 сарын өмнө
Blueberry picking is all the not-fun of picking apples, PLUS never ending deep knee bends.
Barbara Brennan
Barbara Brennan 6 сарын өмнө
The new blueberry picking places are tall hedge like plants. No bending over. Boyfriend had a dark secret. I seem to find these guys without missing a beat. He lured me in. With his dimples and great dance moves.
Barbara Brennan
Barbara Brennan 6 сарын өмнө
I had a cutie pie boyfriend who along with good looks was very funny. One hot summer day, we went blueberry picking and he grabbed me, kissed me. We were wearing bathing suits cause it was hot. As I started walking to pick more berries, I felt something squishy in what I call never never land now. When he was kissing me, I never felt his hands depositing berries in my bathing suit bottom. He laughed hysterically. His hands were quicker than my eyes. She sighs.
Deep Water
Deep Water 6 сарын өмнө
Jim gym hymn whim limb sim nim Jim
Dano Duncan
Dano Duncan 6 сарын өмнө
too funny !... xD
LoveAllGirls TheyMakeMeFeelSoGood
LoveAllGirls TheyMakeMeFeelSoGood 6 сарын өмнө
This early to a comedians upload, almost like being in the front row.
Dreamy Jeannie
Dreamy Jeannie 6 сарын өмнө
Thanks for starting my day with a laugh, love you and all the Gaffigans! Stay safe!
reliquancy
reliquancy 6 сарын өмнө
So you get a notification and click to watch a video but no! Not till tommorrow! Why? Couldn’t you just give me the notification tommorrow when it’s ready? I’m really not seeing anything positive about this premier stuff at all. Did they do some research that showed people are more likely to buy stuff from ads when they’re pissed off or something? lol idk
cassandra contreras
cassandra contreras 6 сарын өмнө
Fruit Stand up Jokes!🍓🍒🍎🍉🍑🍊🥭🍍🍌🍋🍈🍏🍐🥝🍇
cassandra contreras
cassandra contreras 6 сарын өмнө
some day I want to be a comedian also you inspire me
nadja
nadja 6 сарын өмнө
I want some fruit to go with my cheese.
Darkwolf 132
Darkwolf 132 6 сарын өмнө
Eleven people, currently in anticipation of an even in 22 hours. Classic
kuu kuu ka choo
kuu kuu ka choo 6 сарын өмнө
Let's goooo jim💙
Magic minecraft Show
Magic minecraft Show 6 сарын өмнө
Jim lazygin
368 FAN
368 FAN 6 сарын өмнө
Sour Grapes this time of year.
Cryptopia
Cryptopia 6 сарын өмнө
O no 12 more hours? Blew it again.
Cryptopia
Cryptopia 6 сарын өмнө
Oh i love .mr Gaffigan
You Saved The World Today
You Saved The World Today 6 сарын өмнө
I hope Jim Gaffigan does not upset Heath Horner with his reckless treatment of fruits 😉🌽🍇
bfkennedy
bfkennedy 6 сарын өмнө
Jim should avoid fruit if it was set out for Wayne! ❤️ 🍎🍏🍉🍌🍇🍐🍊🍓🍋🍈🥥🍍🥭🍑🍒🥝🍅‼️
Maenad
Maenad 6 сарын өмнө
You forgot the cucumber 🥒
Free Crack Instrumentals
Free Crack Instrumentals 6 сарын өмнө
Im your biggest fan jim. DONT FORGET IT
Free Crack Instrumentals
Free Crack Instrumentals 6 сарын өмнө
@Maenad *sacrifices first born
Maenad
Maenad 6 сарын өмнө
Prove it
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