Best Chinese Jokes | Jim Gaffigan Stand-Up Compilation

  Үзсэн тоо 287,790


7 сарын өмнө

I went on tour around China and here are some of my best jokes all in 1 compilation.
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:00 - American Chinese Food
:33 - Chines American Restaurants
:55 - Fortune Cookie
3:10 - Favorite Part of China
4:55 - Tiananmen Square
5:54 - Taiwan
7:35 - Soup Dumplings & Stinky Tofu
9:46 - Napkins & Toilet Paper
11:29 - Chinese Toilet
14:18 - Forbidden City
Fast Food
Asian American (Full Set)
Florida Man (Full Set)
Ontario vs Quebec
Canadian Map
Halifax Donair
Dog Birthdays
Cold Weather
Japan vs China
My Wife's Brain Tumor
Morning Person
Fish are Gross
Steak is Manly
Idiot Abroad
Easier to be a Guy
Big Family
Victoria's Secret
Bath vs Shower
Can't Stop Eating
Fitness Goals
Waffle House
Hot Pockets
I'm Korean
Doing Nothing
Out To Dinner
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Hot Dog Fest
Meatball Parm
Peas & Corn
Mikey Takes Over
Oatmeal Soup
Garbage Plate
Chicken Fillet
Bacon Wrapped Steaks
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Daddy Dog
Hot Pocket
Garden Veggies
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Jim Gaffigan is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer and producer. He presently has 5 stand up specials on Netflix and 3 on Amazon Prime Video. He wrote 2 New York Times Best Sellers DAD IS FAT and FOOD: A Love Story He co-created and starred in a tv series based on his life called The Jim Gaffigan Show. He has appeared in numerous TV shows and films in both comedic and dramatic roles.
TEXT JIM 646-980-6600

JGUNW1R3D 6 өдрийн өмнө
I don’t care what people say about you Jim, I think you’re great.
djpsycosmiley1 25 өдрийн өмнө
If you listen to him long enough you'll come to understand he's pushing freemasonic orders.
邓江洲 Сарын өмнө
soup dumpling, You suck the soup first, then eat the rest of soup dumpling,
邓江洲 Сарын өмнө
Andrew A
Andrew A Сарын өмнө
Stinky tofu ain't no joke! It smells exactly like something that should under no circumstances go in your mouth!! I lived in China for 3 years. What about durian! Good stuff mr. G! Spot on
Michelle Holland
Michelle Holland Сарын өмнө
🤣😂😅🤣😂😅. Thinking he’s a ghost.
Andrew Barsky
Andrew Barsky Сарын өмнө
I live in China and this is pretty much 100% accurate
Reshme's Rasta
Reshme's Rasta Сарын өмнө
230 people are boring
MageSkeleton Сарын өмнө
the only "mystery" in China is how much longer they have to compete with America. I bet you they hate that a better place to live exists, reason why they wanted camera's everywhere. They want to make sure their people know they are not a republic, they are property. As soon as America is terminated everyone in china will turn into nazi's as they follow any and all orders. Then they'll anticipate eating the "fine cuisine" north korea has been providing for a long time. It's not "fine cuisine" but it's something you don't even want to read in the comment section.
Adam G
Adam G Сарын өмнө
Hey I work in a fortune cookie factory and I find that offensive.
_Dreamer_ Сарын өмнө
"if your dad didn't own this company... " I was in stitches!!!
Mac Main
Mac Main 2 сарын өмнө
Exactly chinese deserts are terrible. Hahahhaahahah
Myriam Lateur
Myriam Lateur 2 сарын өмнө
You are simply the best!
Jay Gucker
Jay Gucker 2 сарын өмнө
Interesting Fact - the inside of tea eggs are not green. However the inside of the 1000 year eggs are. You got played!
Annie Esther
Annie Esther 2 сарын өмнө
I didn't dare try stinky tofu. You are brave!
Annie Esther
Annie Esther 2 сарын өмнө
I was filmed in Taiwan even if I am not blond. Probably because I was wearing a short skirt and flip flops in 18 Celsius weather.
David S. Pumpkins
David S. Pumpkins 2 сарын өмнө
I f*cking love fortune cookies! 🥠
David S. Pumpkins
David S. Pumpkins 2 сарын өмнө
And Jim Gaffigan! 😁
Lyn Hurst
Lyn Hurst 3 сарын өмнө
I am too white lol... Love it when I bring Chinese food home and forget to take the paper out of the fortune cookie while I am mindlessly playing a game or watching a movie. No scurvy with the city's fruit. Love the Caribbean ship joke.
L Burke
L Burke 3 сарын өмнө
Jim: Funny Chinese jokes Me: Where is closest Panda Express?
Malinda Allen
Malinda Allen 3 сарын өмнө
"or a recipe for a good cookie"!
A C 3 сарын өмнө
I took my 5 year old to China and at least 5 times a day people would crouch down by my son and snap a picture. Aftwr day 3 I started taking pictures of Chinese people taking selfies with my son. I now have an awesome college of 43 random Chinese strangers snapping pics with my kid. Also true is the tissue issue- you ask for a napkin and they look at you like you just admitted to murdering their family and then they bring you a few pieces of toilet paper.
Sanukii-Chan 3 сарын өмнө
why did the chinese man go to the U.S? to eat the dogs at the pet shop
Garfield Hwa
Garfield Hwa 3 сарын өмнө
'don't think it's weather'...LOL, okay, that's a good shot
Kareem Abu Dahab
Kareem Abu Dahab 3 сарын өмнө
How he describes Taiwan is how Texans describe Texas-- "This isn't America. It's Texas!"
siawjern huang
siawjern huang 3 сарын өмнө
I love Jim so much. All the jokes is funny and and he doesnt have to swear to deliver them!
Oren Evans
Oren Evans 3 сарын өмнө
The Chinese term for constipation, hungchow.
William Lee
William Lee 3 сарын өмнө
The Chinese fortune cookie is actually a USA invention by the Chinese. You can't find that in China. Lol There's no tissue at most of the restaurants because they pass that expense to you. People carry tissue with them. You can get them for fifty cents a pack at the 7Elevens or equivalent.
Cruise Lover
Cruise Lover 3 сарын өмнө
I love tea eggs and thousand year old eggs (aka rotten eggs). They are delicious!
刺客河 12 өдрийн өмнө
This must be sarcasm i heard about..
lemmyliquor 3 сарын өмнө
I can almost guarantee this guy drinks tortured orphan blood.... #PizzaGate
Tuko and the Hobo
Tuko and the Hobo 3 сарын өмнө
U couldn't say cooked inshit. U had to take it 1step further...diarhia.
ishady ishady
ishady ishady 3 сарын өмнө
14:20 Jim predict corona virus 19 pandemic with Chinese, Korean, Japan wore masks
S Donato
S Donato 3 сарын өмнө
I loved the joke where all the Chinese kids were starring at you like you were a circus animal. “I too am human.” 🤣😭😭😭
Frank dos Mayzu
Frank dos Mayzu 3 сарын өмнө
FU, Gaffigan.... 🤬🖕
Jiaqing Wang
Jiaqing Wang 3 сарын өмнө
Made my day! 😂😂😂
chris williams
chris williams 3 сарын өмнө
Laugh again with Gaffigan😂
Tony Pate
Tony Pate 3 сарын өмнө
Who's the wee Ewok dude ? Looks like one the toy shops.. sorry "STORES" never got this side the pond for the StarWars figure collection ... Guess not a Ewok attack Womble as more big soft pudding with dash of gobshite ..bless it
Susan Smith
Susan Smith 3 сарын өмнө
Funniest Muslim jokes.
Big black
Big black 3 сарын өмнө
I lived in Shanghai for about 5 years a long time ago, these jokes really take me back to the initial culture shock.
Big black
Big black 3 сарын өмнө
If the egg yolk was green I'm pretty sure you actually ate the 1000 year old egg. Tea eggs are brown on the outside and yellow in the middle.
1020 IH
1020 IH 3 сарын өмнө
What do you call a chink and a jap riding around in a Trans Am together? The Gooks Of Hazard Andrew Dice Clay
Clinton Smith
Clinton Smith 3 сарын өмнө
When are you going to make your way to Australia Jim? Don't worry, we'll keep you healthy and safe. Cheers
Jj Pp
Jj Pp 3 сарын өмнө
14:50 they knew something
Paul Tran
Paul Tran 3 сарын өмнө
You already run away just the smelling the stinky tofu. It likes blue cheese.
harry viking
harry viking 4 сарын өмнө
There is nothing funny about China at all!!
Haha Hehe
Haha Hehe 4 сарын өмнө
Close your eyes and you ll think it’s Bill Maher.
Josh Apple
Josh Apple 4 сарын өмнө
It's true. Mandarin is a complicated language to learn because there are 5 different dialects. Not to mention the Simplified and Traditional Chinese Characters EX:Wő- "I" singular noun As opposed to: "Wőměn" Plural noun meaning "we"or "us"
MLMLW 4 сарын өмнө
After listening to this I now want some Veggie Lo Mein & some fried rice. Oh! And also a stale fortune cookie telling me that happiness is just around the corner. 😒
Michael Nagar
Michael Nagar 4 сарын өмнө
Love your content! You've got my Like and Subscribe! Thank you! :-)
cravinbob 4 сарын өмнө
When does the "funny" start?
feebeedee 4 сарын өмнө
How about a "joke" about know....the CCP....and the New World Order....let's have a little "joke" session about THAT reality!!
Brad Bennett
Brad Bennett 4 сарын өмнө
Absolute fucking legend! You are a monster of observation! Thanks for all of your absurd waffling. Its glorious! X
Jason Wrinkle
Jason Wrinkle 4 сарын өмнө
this set makes me hate americans even more :( I didn't realize that was possible!
JackCarregan 4 сарын өмнө
6:32 I have eaten a century eggs and it’s is the worst thing ever. And I will eat anything, rotten food, green meat. But that egg tasted like a rotten egg, but the worst part was the consistency. The white was like jello and the yolk was like slightly thickened raw egg yolk.
MLMLW 4 сарын өмнө
Omg! Gross. I would have barfed right there on the table. 🤢
Mikeybucks 4 сарын өмнө
He's ok, but he 'pales" in comparison to Brian Regan.
Craig Johnson
Craig Johnson 4 сарын өмнө
Soup dumplings are awesome :-) and stinky tofu is yummy!!
Anthony Watson
Anthony Watson 4 сарын өмнө
Married with 5 kids in New York I'll def watch every add too help you out during these difficult times, wish you the bestest.
Derrick Ooi
Derrick Ooi 4 сарын өмнө
I am Chinese, and I can confirm that most of the jokes are accurate
Dynamic City
Dynamic City 3 сарын өмнө
I’ve lived in Beijng for 17 years .. I can confirm every single detail is accurate ..!! Good to finally laugh abt the lack of toilet paper in public buildings LOL
Andre W
Andre W 5 сарын өмнө
I call them SHIT HOLES.
ThirdOwl 5 сарын өмнө
14:30 Reasons seem more uniform in 2020
Michael Krenn
Michael Krenn 5 сарын өмнө
Love your show and as funny as they are I enjoy all the bits and pieces from other show.. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
MV Agusta 675
MV Agusta 675 5 сарын өмнө
YEAH, you will be working for them in 6 months, if Beijing Biden is President.
Tom Frazier
Tom Frazier 5 сарын өмнө
Fortune cookies are actually senbei, Japanese tea cookies. A Chinese restaurant owner dreamed up the idea in 1930s Los Angeles and ordered them from a Japanese bakery there.
MLMLW 4 сарын өмнө
Interesting. Thanks for the info. 👍
Osvaldo Ferrer
Osvaldo Ferrer 5 сарын өмнө
Is he drunk @459?? Lol
Miguel Estévez
Miguel Estévez 5 сарын өмнө
1/10 Too vanilla. Not offensive enough.
Lisa Bradford
Lisa Bradford 5 сарын өмнө
My favorite comedian by far - and he's clean! Thanks for all the shows. Great entertainment!
S K 22 өдрийн өмнө
@MLMLW he worked clean long before he was married or had children.
MLMLW 4 сарын өмнө
He's got 5 children so I assume he wants his comedy clean so they can listen as well. I love that about Jim. It's a family thing. 😊👍❤
price fam
price fam 6 сарын өмнө
Your awesome cant wait till ur live in mn I will be there
Darrel Pelton
Darrel Pelton 6 сарын өмнө
Why is Jim Whispering so much?
Loran V
Loran V 7 сарын өмнө
Luv family dinner. Donations. Food banks, are always great.
TheDaoistheway 7 сарын өмнө
I’m Chinese, these are some really tame and non-offensive Chinese jokes, very smart man
Dylan DKR 迪伦昆赵
Dylan DKR 迪伦昆赵 7 сарын өмнө
If you want Chinesse Dark humor then come to my chanel lmao (i am also a music producer too)
Scott Horsepool
Scott Horsepool 7 сарын өмнө
A cookie fortune said "Beware the orange chicken"
theresa rathell
theresa rathell 7 сарын өмнө
I have to stop eating while I'm listening to him I keep forgetting and I've almost choked to death three times, right now I have soda all over me
邓江洲 Сарын өмнө
Ted Koppel
Ted Koppel 7 сарын өмнө
You lost a fan when you went on your political tirade on Twitter... I wake up everyday and know that I still don't give a shit about celebrity's opinions.
Nova Corps
Nova Corps 7 сарын өмнө
It's great that you toured Asia. I'm just surprised your jokes and humor translated over there. I thought humor was culturally specific.
JollyRaja 7 сарын өмнө
How do you get 2 chinese people to fight? Have them split $99.99
Cathy Chin
Cathy Chin 7 сарын өмнө
You did not have tea egg, but the thousand years old egg. Center of tea egg is yellow. Center of thousand years old egg is green. You got tricked.
MLMLW 4 сарын өмнө
hu yueqi
hu yueqi 7 сарын өмнө
ok the summer palace is not a palace. It is more like a garden. The true summer palace where emperors spending their summers is two-hour driver from Beijing And it is not on the coast.
Robert Langley
Robert Langley 7 сарын өмнө
Excellent comedian, I love that his comedy is void of ugly language which poor comedians use as a crutch.
Mash Tater
Mash Tater 7 сарын өмнө
Funny stuff Jim... I've lived in Asia for almost 30 years... crazy place... love it... stinky tofu smells just like horseshit.
Katergin 2 сарын өмнө
Didn't dare eat it in China, but in Taiwan, where I live now, I know restaurants where it's absolutely amazing and doesn't smell half bad. Avoid it in night markets.
Hue Mann
Hue Mann 7 сарын өмнө
The way to justify the summer palace is simple. Summer better than others;)
Hue Mann
Hue Mann 7 сарын өмнө
Btw you ARE Asian. ...Caucasian.
Gimi Armany
Gimi Armany 4 сарын өмнө
Hue Mann
Hue Mann 7 сарын өмнө
I love his brilliance. I also was in Beijing so I understand where he was coming from - no pun intended. Lol. Get it. Cause we both came from America to visit Beijing. However I didn’t see the Great Wall. I wish I did that. But like he mentioned, I would get lost and probably die there too. Lol. I did however see lots of OK walls though. So it worked out I guess.
TheBros2theend 7 сарын өмнө
Jesus Christ loves you
Scott Horsepool
Scott Horsepool 7 сарын өмнө
But not the same way his Church does.
Xander M
Xander M 7 сарын өмнө
Many chinese think stinky tofu is disgusting too so you are not alone
Officer Patty O' Furniture
Officer Patty O' Furniture 7 сарын өмнө
You Sir... are my favorite comedian by far. You cheer me up every time I listen to You. 100% all killer no filler in Your material. ☺️ he he !
Osvaldo Ferrer
Osvaldo Ferrer 5 сарын өмнө
Check out John Pinette
Mark Brophy
Mark Brophy 5 сарын өмнө
@Lisa Bradford 0
Lisa Bradford
Lisa Bradford 5 сарын өмнө
Best comedian ever!
jostein Jostein
jostein Jostein 7 сарын өмнө
"Looks like our scurvys cured fellas" HAHAHA, That killed me hahaha
M D 7 сарын өмнө
Saw the title, is this going to be racist!?! It’s Gaffigan it will be ok
Holcomb Philip
Holcomb Philip 7 сарын өмнө
This is my testimony of how I knew about "vortexhackers .com". I was referred to them by a friend when I lost it all. So I had to give them a try and to my amazement these guys helped me with the sum of $25,000.This is one of the best things that has happened to me this year. ..
HerculeseFurball 7 сарын өмнө
How could people dislike these comedy gold skits? These are hilarious!!!
Shelagh McNally
Shelagh McNally 7 сарын өмнө
Pale, pasty man you make this pale, pasty woman cry with laughter.
Edward Hamm
Edward Hamm 7 сарын өмнө
How I wake up laughing before seeing msnbc and crying....ugh
The Retro Theater
The Retro Theater 7 сарын өмнө
This would be good for a holding a note or a recipe for a good
thulomanchay 7 сарын өмнө
This is not Chinese Jokes, its stand up comedy. Chinese jokes come like this: Q: What do you call a game show in a Chinese Restaurant? A: Wheel of Fortune cookies. Did you hear the one about the Chinese Godfather? He makes you an offer you can’t understand.
gerald frost
gerald frost 7 сарын өмнө
Once upon a time there were two Chinese. Now look how many there are.
郑昊旻 7 сарын өмнө
Can’t stop laughing 😂 so true about the fortunate cookie, I have never seen one inside China.
Bryan Taylor
Bryan Taylor 7 сарын өмнө
Mushi mushi....
CWS 7 сарын өмнө
For some weird reason this video makes me wanna go to China for the first time ever like I said, weird.
noel hutchins
noel hutchins 7 сарын өмнө
The best chineese joke I know came from California; it goes something like this: "White people smell like 'Cabbage."
Expose The Bullshit Agenda
Expose The Bullshit Agenda 7 сарын өмнө
I seriously don’t understand the 86 thumbs down. Is a dissonance to me.
Yolie Martell
Yolie Martell Сарын өмнө
Some people do not enjoy comedy unless is full of profanity. It is so refreshing to be able to listen to comedy with all of your kids and under age grandsons 😁 I also enjoy John Mulaney but he does throw a bomb word in there making it hard to watch with grandkids. Jim, You're the best!
Expose The Bullshit Agenda
Expose The Bullshit Agenda 4 сарын өмнө
@Luis Pedroso thank you for your kind, detailed, and empathetic words. People take things for granted when in abundance, instead of appreciating it even more. Good luck to you my friend, everything will work out.
Luis Pedroso
Luis Pedroso 4 сарын өмнө
These people who made the thumbs down don't have any idea the work put in into an act. Im an amateur comedian and it takes me one week to put up one video. Two of my kids hold a camera each. My son is doing the sound and I invite two to three friends to be my audience to test which jokes are good. Then I post it to Friends and hope someone Subscribes to my channel. Right now I have 319 subscribers and one of my video have one thumbs down and it made me feel bad. This is foolish. Why watch and make a thumbs down. These people have no respect for a comedian. This is just Free. Why do that? Please see my stuff if you have time
Gimi Armany
Gimi Armany 4 сарын өмнө
@naponroy 😂🤣😂🤣💥
naponroy 5 сарын өмнө
THey are Wu Mao pissed he said Taiwan is a country
Expose The Bullshit Agenda
Expose The Bullshit Agenda 7 сарын өмнө
“I don’t want to over work the kitchen” 🤣
Paul Lewis
Paul Lewis 7 сарын өмнө
I hear he's only funny to less than half of his audience..., (the rest he just blew out of the water by being political).
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