Best CATHOLIC Jokes Compilation | Jim Gaffigan

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8 сарын өмнө

Jim Gaffigan's best Catholic jokes compilation! What was your favorite joke from the compilation?
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:29 - "The Bible & Rules"
1:00 - "Shiite Catholic"
2:39 - "Confession"
2:57 - "Memorization"
3:08 - "Adam & Eve"
3:26 - "Catholic Mass"
4:09 - "Catholics & Protestants"
4:25 - "Big Families"
5:38 - "Pope"
6:54 - "Saints"
10:12 - "Opening for the Pope"
16:25 - "Holy Grail"
17:18 - "Future Pope"
18:12 - "Reading in Church"
19:09 - "Six Kids Catholic"
20:13 - "Barely Catholic"
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Morning Person
Fish are Gross
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Jesus & Apostles
Fried Chicken
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Doing Nothing
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Jim Gaffigan is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer and producer. He presently has 5 stand up specials on Netflix and 3 on Amazon Prime Video. He wrote 2 New York Times Best Sellers DAD IS FAT and FOOD: A Love Story He co-created and starred in a tv series based on his life called The Jim Gaffigan Show. He has appeared in numerous TV shows and films in both comedic and dramatic roles.

Tammy Ritterson
Tammy Ritterson 4 цагийн өмнө
Love your religion jokes!!!! GOD IS GOOD!!!! He laughs His ass off at this too!!!! You Honor God with your wonderful humor. People need to lighten up if they don't find you funny!!! 🤪
Becky Smith
Becky Smith Өдрийн өмнө
Baptists drink on the back porch, Methodists drink on the front porch, and Catholics drink all over town 😁
Shirley Rombough
Shirley Rombough 2 өдрийн өмнө
This guy is going to hell for sure.
D. Mohan
D. Mohan 3 өдрийн өмнө
Jim G is one hilarious man
Mark Poindexter
Mark Poindexter 5 өдрийн өмнө
He's going to hell!
Michael Trn
Michael Trn 5 өдрийн өмнө
Catholic a religion full of bad jokes now that Christianity fr you all.
Slend Veny
Slend Veny 6 өдрийн өмнө
Read this as "Best -caholic Jokes"
Joseph Corbett
Joseph Corbett 9 өдрийн өмнө
Thanks for the laughs
GuerillaGardner 10 өдрийн өмнө
Darn priests:
Bryan Campbell
Bryan Campbell 11 өдрийн өмнө
I absolutely love you, Jim, but please don’t smoke weed before you film your introductory statement🤣😅🤣
Keane Farley
Keane Farley 12 өдрийн өмнө
I love this
Jeff Boster
Jeff Boster 16 өдрийн өмнө
Sub'd! Thank you for the laughs, defiantly needed while hanging out at home this year...
Ed Holohan
Ed Holohan 17 өдрийн өмнө
You're going to hell.
Neal Amesbury
Neal Amesbury 18 өдрийн өмнө
Jim gaffigan ! Your awesome !!!
Kalaukia 20 өдрийн өмнө
This is the funniest thing I have ever heard!
Peter pensive
Peter pensive 22 өдрийн өмнө
are comedians the modern Prophets? Well, I guess he's all we got.
guy laurent
guy laurent 22 өдрийн өмнө
Great jokes...
Scotty Douglass
Scotty Douglass 23 өдрийн өмнө
I laughed at all of your jokes. My wife, who is Catholic, not as much.
Becky Burtis
Becky Burtis 23 өдрийн өмнө
All too common term now, "mass shooting" What?? A gun in church?
Mark 23 өдрийн өмнө
Have some balls and let’s see this goof insult Muslims
BarrySmithViolin 24 өдрийн өмнө
Funniest contemporary comedian 🌹
X Marks
X Marks 24 өдрийн өмнө
If people addicted to alcohol are alcoholics, then are people addicted to cats, catholics?
Katherine Phaye
Katherine Phaye 25 өдрийн өмнө
*INRI has entered the chat*
George Pope
George Pope 26 өдрийн өмнө
Eww, keep the scruffy beard, dude! It's part of your charm & character!
George Pope
George Pope 26 өдрийн өмнө
Can't wait to go to some Philly bars & bring up the Santa incident!
Shirley Rombough
Shirley Rombough 2 өдрийн өмнө
By the way, what was the Santa incident?
George Pope
George Pope 26 өдрийн өмнө
Ask if any Popes in the audience when I'm there! I got the ID to prove it, too!
George Pope
George Pope 26 өдрийн өмнө
A, I'd love to o drinking with Jim!
Paul Matheson
Paul Matheson 26 өдрийн өмнө
I consider you to be moderately amusing Jim. If you really tickled my funny bone, I would share with you the absolute best Catholic joke ever told. I think however, that I am going to give it to someone who makes me laugh more than you. Sorry.
Christine C
Christine C 26 өдрийн өмнө
I laughed when he said something like, I don't know much about the Bible , I haven't read it, because I'm Catholic. Catholics aren't supposed to read the Bible. Yeah.
Fatima Smith
Fatima Smith 27 өдрийн өмнө
Love you here & on "My Boys" you are awesome
Alakanuk Rusty
Alakanuk Rusty 28 өдрийн өмнө
Well, Catholocism itself would have been the one of the clear frontrunners for the best jokes ever as well as the worst jokes ever played on mankind but then Mohammad came along.
Dominoes37 28 өдрийн өмнө
I lied, can we wrap this up? I double parked, Im meeting a hooker
Vickie Johnson
Vickie Johnson 29 өдрийн өмнө
This is how you know he's the best comedian. I start watching and realize I've already heard this one and still keep on listening. Love ya Jim!! Thanks for cheering up the quarantine.
Fred Mertes
Fred Mertes Сарын өмнө
great job Jim!!! religion provides an infinite supply of joke opportunities.....
RaesofLight Сарын өмнө
@3:36 I love that he mentions that XD "It's still going on!" Yep- there's even a group of nuns that have Eucharistic Adoration covered 24/7.
J.P. Jones
J.P. Jones Сарын өмнө
if you think catholic mass is long try going to an orthodox mass.
Silver Daddy
Silver Daddy Сарын өмнө
You have to be able to laugh at yourself!
Micah Woodard
Micah Woodard Сарын өмнө
3:46 😂
Benita Plummer
Benita Plummer Сарын өмнө
Sorry, can't find my thread about The Roman Catholic Church - It is an off shoot of the Orthodox Church in Constantinople .
***BELLANITO*** Rodriguez-Cortez
***BELLANITO*** Rodriguez-Cortez Сарын өмнө
Saint Nicolas did exist
***BELLANITO*** Rodriguez-Cortez
***BELLANITO*** Rodriguez-Cortez Сарын өмнө
I'm catholic 🙋‍♀️, I have read the bible
Jessica Boysen
Jessica Boysen Сарын өмнө
Omgosh 🤣😂 " I know some people are uncomfortable with religious jokes, I call them sinners!"
Jack Danya Kemplin
Jack Danya Kemplin Сарын өмнө
I am the second to youngest of 12 children, my father named me after his favourite whiskey and my sister Sara after his favourite brand of desserts-this is the absolute truth. So my dad definitely got burned out.
Shirley Rombough
Shirley Rombough 2 өдрийн өмнө
Oh I see: Jack Daniels and Sara Lee? Just be glad he didn't start on ice cream brands. No Hagen Dasz. But if he had two more boys they could be Ben and Jerry. Yum.
John Harris
John Harris Сарын өмнө
I went to my friend's Catholic Wedding, I was exhausted when it was over.
John Harris
John Harris Сарын өмнө
A Priest once said the difference between the Catholic Bible and the Protestant Bible is that the Protestant Bible gets read.
Jim DeBoer
Jim DeBoer Сарын өмнө
I went to 8 years of catholic grade school an 2 years of catholic HS, going to mass practically everyday. After that I was no longer a catholic.
Trogdor The Burninator
Trogdor The Burninator Сарын өмнө
As a sixth kid out of seven sisters my family's running joke was that my dad was still trying for a boy.
Beth E
Beth E Сарын өмнө
Oh, boy Jim. Never tire of your wonderfulness. I can be having the worst possible day (and hey, I often DO!) and I refuse to stay upset once my brain remembers, "...without the express written consent of major league base baaallll." Thank you for all your efforts through all the past year's horrors. We owe you big time, Jim. 👏💕😊
donepearce Сарын өмнө
Wouldn't life be better if Catholicism WAS just a joke. Unfortunately it is serious.
Anthony Guthrie
Anthony Guthrie Сарын өмнө
As an atheist living in the Bible Belt, I’m fascinated by religions. It’s nice when religious folks can crack jokes about it all.
alyzu Сарын өмнө
Having grown up in Boston and gone to school in New York, I can confirm that the Northeast is full of pissed-off people. 😊
Patrice Marie
Patrice Marie Сарын өмнө
True Jimmy! ..... When you get into the Southern Bible Preaching folks, .... Catholic, hymnal singing etc can seem drone like, and snoring flat??? ..... But it's not? .... It's a Roman Catholic tradition. Life ain't ez Gaffigan! Hard to please everyone, and be popular! 💓🙃 💕 💤💤 😂
Timothy Mulholland
Timothy Mulholland Сарын өмнө
I was raised by a Baptist minister. I used to envy my Catholic friends. They could go to early mass on Sunday and have the rest of their day off. I had to go to Sunday School, Morning Service, Youth Group and Evening Service. No time to relax at all.
Tomislav Ricov
Tomislav Ricov Сарын өмнө
hey jim, no hate here, can you explain why were you attending a pride parade a fee years back? thanks
FLD Сарын өмнө
Thanks for the laughs and smiles . Needed in pandemic 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
Dave Amico
Dave Amico Сарын өмнө
Just a reminder, 666,000 views... soon.😇
George Bush
George Bush Сарын өмнө
All jokes are okay as long as they stay JOKES
Kate Yare
Kate Yare Сарын өмнө
I've been through the WHOLE Catholic experience, and I clicked "like" before you were finished introducing this video.
rangeorge85051 Сарын өмнө
whenever I hear something about the Catholic religion,I get a sense of a huge elephant in the room
Tom Riddle
Tom Riddle Сарын өмнө
The patron saint of bowel issues is the greatest clean dirty joke ever.
Zippy Dooda
Zippy Dooda Сарын өмнө
How dare you bring up the Philadelphia incident! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Rose Manos
Rose Manos Сарын өмнө
I returned to Catholicism after converting to Greek Orthodoxy. Try sitting through an Orthodox Divine Liturgy which regularly lasts 2 hours and when you don't speak Greek.
Nate V
Nate V Сарын өмнө
Hey Jim!, hope your doing well during the pandemic...know that all the jokes are helping us! My family and I LOVE YOU! Saw you live in Kitchener, (Berlin)haha... You got the best writing/life partner! Btw: I know your joking but the Bible doesnt specify what Adam and Eve ate from the tree. Eating from the tree represented "disobedience, distrust" in God to provide for them. He gave them "everything", a beautiful paradise with only one rule and even that they screwed up.
micro-babe Сарын өмнө
I went to Catholic school for 13 years and I always loved your standup even back then. Relatable as heck. Non Catholics don't truly understand me when I say Easter Vigil is a lesson in endurance.
Warren Rosen
Warren Rosen Сарын өмнө
Why haven't I heard of him before? Hilarious😄
jintao wu
jintao wu Сарын өмнө
The embarrassed mosque untypically doubt because niece reassuringly smile modulo a five february. chubby, thundering surprise
John King
John King Сарын өмнө
What did Jesus say while dying on the cross?------"This is a helluva way to spend Easter!"
pop5678eye Сарын өмнө
Is it a requirement to be named 'Jim' to get into standup comedy?
Beckett Schmitt
Beckett Schmitt Сарын өмнө
Anyone else notice that he used the “anyone pope here?” joke twice?
Bob Сарын өмнө
I thank Christopher Hitchens every day that I wasn't born Catholic.
Kingsley Clark
Kingsley Clark Сарын өмнө
Thank you for this. Always defending why I haven’t read the Bible ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Sandy Schipper
Sandy Schipper Сарын өмнө
The very end-brilliant! Especially the baying lamb.
Misty Winkler
Misty Winkler Сарын өмнө
Omg. I’m not a good Catholic. I admitted it in an ethics class? I got a round of laughter. I made it through long enough to drink wine in church. My 2 brothers didn’t make it that far? Lying to a priest during your first confessional when your ten? What subs can a 10 year old have?
Misty Winkler
Misty Winkler Сарын өмнө
Sins! I hate my phone
Pamela Musante
Pamela Musante 2 сарын өмнө
Cover that up with Carmel, then get back to me. Love the Apple joke😂😂😂😂
Jack Hammer
Jack Hammer 2 сарын өмнө
They found the lost nun in the woods. She ran away from the alzheimer clinic, THE FORGET ABOUT IT CENTER FOR THE ABSENTEE . THEY ASK HER WHAT SHE WAS DOING OUT IN THE WOODS. SHE JUST SAID " I'm just a Rom'in Catholic".
Edith Dlp
Edith Dlp 2 сарын өмнө
1:18 so true. I was rsised catholic and when I was a child I would always fall asleep, my grandmother would say "the devil is putting a spell on you", and I woke up all scared. OMG, I couldn't see all of it because I couldn't stop laughing, I was in tears.
Random Headful
Random Headful 2 сарын өмнө
Hahahaha the Philly jokes! I’m from Philly and we are proud of that Santa incident because we are insane and love violence. We are the city that beat up the Hitchbot, the little robot meant to spread friendship and good will across North America.
Random Headful
Random Headful 2 сарын өмнө
When I was a little Catholic girl, I wanted to be a saint. Then I realized a lot of them were martyred. Now I’m an atheist lol.
Gleanerman Сарын өмнө
And you are a much better person for it, me too.
Eric Babu
Eric Babu 2 сарын өмнө
Thank you so much. You are the best.
Mr PGR2 2 сарын өмнө
Every Pope after death raising from earth to heaven meeting the first Pope St Peter. St Pete : oh hey a Pope well let's see if you behaved according to our rules of entrance Pope : what ? I was a Pope ain't I was supposed to pass right away? St Pete : well first have you been a good christian ? Like our Lord living with the poor? Pope well... St Pete have you loved each and everyone like He had .oved us... Pope well... for the children depends what do you think about Michael Jackson kinda love? StPete: oh boy.... well at least have you tried to spread the message of Jesus to the promise land? Pope mmm.... Ok ok you could pass this time Pope : so where's Jesus? St Pete : oh this is Christian heaven Jesus is in Jewish one with Yaweh...
Dawn Lapka
Dawn Lapka 2 сарын өмнө
That whole Pope Francis calling you on the phone thing: TRUTH! I get invited to online Papal Masses. Very Progressive Papal house, these days!
Mark Coghlan
Mark Coghlan 2 сарын өмнө
Jim Stafford: "Baptists are like cats, you know they're raising hell - you just can't catch 'em at it"
Shirley Rombough
Shirley Rombough 2 өдрийн өмнө
I've had four cats and they're all Catholics. Even my fourth, Mystie.
Glenn Lanham
Glenn Lanham 2 сарын өмнө
this has got to be funny
Jain Freeman
Jain Freeman 2 сарын өмнө
Luv ur blonde hair & blue eyes! Where's ur glasses? LOL also I think you, wife & little ones moved from the 5th floor walkup to ur own, bigger house? You all really deserve it!!! Jeannie works so hard writing! She's like... Super woman 🥰💕💓🥰💕
Sharon Mitchell
Sharon Mitchell 2 сарын өмнө
Jim G. You're no longer your cute chubby self. Please don't lose any more weight - I keep finding it.
Rickinator Extra
Rickinator Extra 2 сарын өмнө
2:58 the back of the router:
pop5678eye 2 сарын өмнө
17:20 OMG!!!
Mango T
Mango T 2 сарын өмнө
My favorite Catholic joke ever. Especially since the woman telling me was a 90 year old Catholic serious churchgoer. Every day serious. So, this guy dies. And is taking a tour of heaven. His angel guide is showing him around, and says in this room, we have the Protestants, and over here we have the Jewish. Then we have the Baptists there. (Dropping to a whisper) But we have to be super quiet when we pass by this area. So the newly dead guy asks why. And the guide says, “Because they think they’re the only ones up here”.🤫
albacore101 2 сарын өмнө
Exlent..I'm catholic..who gives a shit about
Kenneth Mottley
Kenneth Mottley 2 сарын өмнө
I think you Should do a show about the best Muslim jokes and make fun of Muslims.
Tangent Y
Tangent Y 2 сарын өмнө
Thorin Skeggs
Thorin Skeggs 2 сарын өмнө
Monique Freitas
Monique Freitas 2 сарын өмнө
Fantastic! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Cool Aero
Cool Aero 2 сарын өмнө
Great! Next we’re going to have the best Muslim jokes right?
Holly Zemlicka
Holly Zemlicka 2 сарын өмнө
I was a child in the 1950s. Back then people whispered it's a mixed marriage! Being a tot I had no idea what they were talking about. And then I found out the truth a Catholic and a Protestant was considered a mixed marriage. Yikes
Eleanor Bertuch
Eleanor Bertuch 2 сарын өмнө
Always soooo entertaining 🥰
Spanked byWife101
Spanked byWife101 2 сарын өмнө
Funny! Good comp, The history comp is a good one as well Jim. . thanks man
Jack the Rimmer
Jack the Rimmer 2 сарын өмнө
Difference between a priest and a politician? The politician will kill the kid after he buggers it ✝️
THE CATHOLIC WAY 2 сарын өмнө
so funny and I am so Catholic
SoulJynx 2 сарын өмнө
as someone who lives in the northeast, yes we are extremely angry and OH MY GOD THAT FUCKING TREE OUTSIDE IS PISSING ME OFF
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